Saturday, May 14, 2022

Man Card

Querulous: Adjective

  1. Given to complaining, peevish.
  2. Expressing a complaint or grievance
  3. Quarrelsome

I can see two dynamics that make convalescing men querulous.

The more insidious dynamic is that we are wired to gain control of our environment. That is what humans do. We find or make tools and use them to achieve the results we seek.

The problem when we are all banged-up is that our caregiver is the only instrument for getting things done that/who is available to us. Consequently, there is a temptation to turn her into a tool. Like the kid in the picture, we yank away on the levers trying to figure out which lever makes what thing happen. 

The other dynamic that can make men grumpy is when we strive to avoid the first mechanism. We can see the path to dependency and we bend every effort to avoid it. Our caregivers, who are almost invariably very helpful by nature, often do things for us that we can do for ourselves. Often it is just habit or they see that it will take us 50 times more effort and time.

Yes sir. I want to do it if I can. Even if it takes me six tries or is (moderately) painful. I do not want to tarnish my relationship with Mrs ERJ by getting into the habit of "manipulating" her and pushing her buttons. That path has no happy ending.

Pitcher plants. The way in is easy

We have both had to slow down. Me, because I am busted up. Mrs ERJ, who is kind and gracious and helpful must now deliberately think through "Is doing this for Joe REALLY the best thing or will it be counter-productive in the long-run?"

I like being waited on hand-and-foot but it is clearly not best for me. It steals my Man Card.

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