Industrial Fiction: That's just offal

“You were kidding about that ‘Deserted-Island’ thing, weren’t you?” Maisie asked Snodgrass as she was picking up her personal belongings.

“Actually, I wasn’t” Snodgrass admitted. “I dated a couple of really pretty girls in college and came to the conclusion that I am more of a girl-next-door kind of guy.”

“Why is that?” Maisie prodded.

“I am sure every pretty girl isn’t like the ones I dated, but they were high-maintenance and got really pissy if I didn’t want to go places where they could be seen. I can only imagine how bitchy they would become if they were stuck on a deserted island with me” Snodgrass said.

“You know, boy, you ain’t as dumb as you look” Maisie said as she gave him an appraising look.

“Oh, Maisie...thanks for all of your help today” Snodgrass said.

“It wasn’t anything. Think nothing of if” as Maisie picked up her things and left the area.

Snodgrass went to the closest stand-up and bumped Paula with a text message.

Five minutes later she swung by. “Well?”

“That job sucks, especially for a guy with big hands” Snodgrass said.

Paula said “There are times when the plant is running very short-handed. Like when there is a big snowstorm or during flu season. The plant doesn’t always have the luxury of matching the operators to the jobs.”

Snodgrass shook his head in despair. “That is a horrible job and the worst one is the new product.”

“Why don’t you investigate like you did the flubber. Maybe you can find something” Paula suggested.

That sounded like a great idea to Snodgrass, to check it out while the pain was still fresh in his mind.

Drilling in by computer and cross-referencing the members of the engineering team that was responsible for the part, he recognized the name of somebody he had golfed with, Jose Munoz. Checking the picture in the org chart, it was the same Jose Munoz. And of course he had his golf-buddies cell number.

“Hey buddy, John Snodgrass here. Got a minute to talk?”

“Sure, what’s up?” Jose responded.

“I am on Special Assignment and I see that you were on the team that released the Water Baffle, Closure sub-assembly” Snodgrass said.

“Yeah, what an absolute piece of shit that was, too” Jose said.

“So you think it has issues, too?” Snodgrass asked.

“I told them from the beginning but nobody wanted to listen” Jose said.

Snodgrass closed his eyes. He could feel a head-ache coming on.

“If it was such a piece-of-shit then why did the team release it?” Snodgrass asked.

“We didn’t have a choice” Jose said.

“I don’t know if you are aware, but there are now a handful of organizations that certify products for being “Green”, sort of like LEEDS does for buildings. Management dictated that every part had to meet the Green standards.”

“The certification comes in three flavors, Bronze, Silver and Gold. Everybody on the team knew that the only way to be eligible for promotion was to get the Silver or Gold certificate. So instead of a 10% reduction in the material used and reduced hydrocarbon emissions, they designed a part with a 30% material reduction and zero hydrocarbon emissions.” Jose said.

“But you brought up that it would be hard to install?” Snodgrass asked.

Jose sighed. “I sure did. The team responded that the Plant would just have to put on its big-boy pants and figure out how to make it work.”

“I thought the Plant had a member on that team.” Snodgrass said.

“Hey, I don’t know about that” Jose said. All I can tell you is that the part is the way it is because everybody else was on-board with the Green certification”

Snodgrass thanked Jose and hung up. Then he drilled into the website of the certifying organization and read the guidelines and Frequently Asked Questions. It left him depressed.

Then he went down on the floor and gave Paula his brain-dump.

She in-turn, kicked him out. “Go home. Take care of yourself. Tomorrow is another day.”

Passing a drugstore on his way home, he realized that he was out of ibuprofen. He had talked with the various operators around him and they all had their own opinion. Some favored two ibuprofen with another tablet at lunch. Others favored time-release acetaminophen. A few liked naproxen with its 12 hour relief. Everybody was passionate about the one that worked best for them.

Snodgrass figured he would lay in a supply of all three. He had seen the list and it looked like he would be bouncing from job-to-job for at least the next three weeks.

He pulled into the parking lot of the local drugstore/convenience store and walked toward the back of the store where the pain relief products were shelved. He had to pass the Seasonal/Clearance aisle to get there. Some intuition or tickle in his gut had him pause momentarily at that aisle, almost as if he had forgotten why he had gone into the store to start with.

After grabbing several bottles of the pain-killers, he stopped by the Seasonal/Clearance aisle and let his head empty. Maybe the reason for the inexplicable attraction would make itself known.

Even though his head was directly facing the display, something kept pulling his attention down and to the right. Giving in to the impulse, Snodgrass let his eyes drift that way. Tucked back, almost out of sight on one of the lower shelves was an out-of-season, kiddy, Easter-basket. It was only a buck. Snodgrass scooped it up and paid for it along with his other merchandise. If nothing else, he would get his money’s worth out of the chocolate Easter Eggs.

The next morning, Snodgrass was at his usual stand-up and the Easter basket was standing in front of him.

Paula was amused. “You cannot bribe me, but good try” Ganzer and Matthias were also in attendance.

“You know how we got stuck with a horrible water baffle because they reduced the material thickness by 30%?” Snodgrass led off.

Matthias, Ganzer and Paula all nodded.

“The only thing that scores higher than a 30% reduction is if you can divert material out of the waste-stream and reuse it. That keeps plastic out of land-fills, out of the ocean and has zero energy use.”

“So?” Paula said, trying to keep this to a four minute meeting.

The spill-proof cap on this sundae is also a vacuum-formed part with a die-cut opening

“This Easter basket is a vacuum-formed produce clam-shell with an opening diecut in the top so kiddies can put their eggs in. They can see the eggs because the top is clear but the eggs will not spill out because of the rim around the edge.” Snodgrass said.

“The piece they cut out to make the window is called offal. It is slightly larger than the water barrier on the new product. The company that makes these baskets is in Trenton and I have a call out to them to see if we can purchase those pieces of offal and trial them as a replacement for that piece-of-shit water-barrier.”

"Offal re-use counts even higher than a 30% weight reduction even though the material is a half-millimeter thick and plenty stiff enough to make it easy to peel off the stack and then install."

Next Installment