"A married couple often resembles a pair of scissors: Seeming to work at cross-purposes but invariably punishing to any who come between them."
One of my readers oberved that I am part of the vanguard of the new "multi-generational families".
I am not sure that I have many gems of wisdom to contribute but I will throw out there what I have and let history determine if it has any value.
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It is hard enough for two people to sort through the minefield of battling through "adult" problems without other adults randomly weighing in. Mrs ERJ and I exercise selective non-hearing when HH and SB are tussling over the best way to deal with an issue.
As humans, we have selective memory. We remember going to the solution with laser-like directness and forget all of the false-starts and tangents. I think that many times the people who are vigorously discussing something are both in agreement about the best path but one of them has not accepted the necessity of letting go of their first image of how things should proceed.
Finding ways for our newly landed adults have ownership is huge. If HH wants a special kind of gloves, I will do my darnedest to find them or something very similar. If he wants to take a stab at raising rabbits, I have the cages and grass and am willing to front the money for breeding stock.
Good fences make good neighbors
Learn to say "no". Southern Belle asked me to do some banking for her. I said "No." She was dismayed but I stood firm. There are a hundred ways the errand could go sideways and no upside for me.
Schedule time for fun
The kids need time for dates. Mrs ERJ and I need time for dates.
Watermelon seeds
The way to hold a watermelon seed is to gently grasp it between your thumb and pointer-finger. Keep the seed horizontal and don't shake your hand.
Hold you kids gently. Don't expect them to be sock-puppets. Try to be a calm person.
Healing
HH left everything but his family when he left Miami: He left his brothers, his job, his credentials, his neighborhood, the church they attended, Home Depot, restaurants, his pickup truck...
If HH is successful then Southern Belle is successful.
If HH and SB are successful then Quicksilver will be successful.
If HH, SB and QS are successful then our home...and I...will be successful.
Re: Multigenerational home - we bought an odd large mg home that worked for me and my wife, her sister, and her mother. Distance is critical. This place (the two of us live here alone now, her mother having died and her sister having moved out) has three separate kitchens, baths, etc. We changed a window into a door so that we all had separate entrances. While physically close, we were able to live separately. I believe that it gave her mother about two extra years of life.
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