Friday, February 3, 2017

Don't mess with Little ol' Ladies

According to my sources this is a true story. Names changed to protect the guilty.

John: Hello, this is John Smith at ABC Realty
Suzy:  Hey, I keep getting calls from people who want to buy my house.
John:  Well, that is GREAT!
Suzy:  Thing is, I don't want to sell my house.  I never listed it.  But these people keep telling me that you have it listed.
John:  Hmmm!  What is your address?
Suzy:  10751 Hokey-Pokey Lane
John:  Well, dang.  We do have it listed.
Suzy:  Delist it.
John:  I wish I could but nobody in this office has the authority to do that.  But don't worry, it will time out in three months.
Suzy:  Delist it.  I don't want to fend off phone calls for three months.
John:  Oh, it won't be so bad.  And maybe you will decide to sell your house.
Suzy:  Is that your final answer.
John:  Yes.
Suzy:  I gave you a chance to make things right.  What happens next is on you.


Suzy:  Hello
Realtor:  I have a client interested in your house.  When can I show it.
Suzy:  I am SHOCKED!  I was told that the State Police and the Attorney General had subpoenaed all of the listings when John was hauled in on Child Pornography charges.  Something about using the houses as stages for orgies.
Realtor:  Click.   Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Suzy:  Hello
Different Realtor:  I have a client that is dying to see the inside of the house.  When can I show it?
Suzy:  WOW!!!  You are the only realtor that has called in the last week.  I hear that John's emails all had a computer virus in them and it activated at random times.  Some computers it erases the hard drive.  Other computers it mails all of the contacts back to him.  You might want to send all the hard drives in your office out to a professional to have them cleaned.
Different Realtor:  Click.    Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Suzy:  Hello
Third Realtor:  I have a client who wants to tour your home.  When  can I show it?
Image from HERE
Suzy:  As soon as the Black Mold Remediation team leaves.  It shouldn't be much longer...they have been here a week.  John did tell you about the slight flooding and mold problem...didn't he?
Third Realtor:  Click.    Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Suzy:  Hello
Fourth Realtor:  I have a client who wants to see the inside of your house.  When can I show it?
Suzy:  Will November work out for you?  There was a triple shotgun murder-suicide in the house and the bodies were not discovered for a week.  We just cannot get the smell out...but it is not as bad when it is cold out.  John did tell you about that, didn't he?
Fourth Realtor:  Click.    Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There were about five more variants on Suzy's answers.

Moral of the story:  Don't mess with short, retired women.  They have WAY too much time on their hands and can make your life miserable.


  1. I have a friend who did something similar with the window salesmen who frequently call. Sure, come on out. Uh, I don't have to get a job do I? You don't work? No, I draw unemployment when I can find a way to finagle the system to get a couple of checks. Ur, does your wife work? She was, but she has a sexual harassment suit going on at the last place and the one before that she fell and hurt her arm, and is fighting workers comp. He never heard from them again.

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