It is with great sadness that I am compelled to announce that I will be running for United States President on the Garden Party Ticket.
Events forced my hand. I am compelled to run because the name "Joe" will be otherwise be eternally associated with the very worst two-term president in history.
The ERJ Platform:
You don't have to be a Fascist to make the trains and planes run on time.
It is possible to have a functioning brain and still have a heart.
The US will disengage from foreign, military entanglements. It will be done intelligently and not to a pre-announced time-table.
Subsidies to "Green Energy" (which are determined by Congress) will be administered with a very sharp-eye to ensure fraud is detected and prosecuted rather than rewarded with endless funding.
All Federal agencies will be relocated to field-offices in places where their agencies are most needed:
- HUD will relocate to Baltimore, St Louis and Oakland
- Ag will relocate to Omaha
- Immigration to Brownsville, El Paso, Tuscon and San Diego
- Energy to Houston
- EPA to Flint
- and so on and so forth
Universities will be required to present a financial summary of projected economic advantages/costs (Net Present Value) for every degree they grant. The opportunity costs of not working for the average duration of pursuing the degree is to be included in the analysis. The discount-rate is to be the interest rate of the ten-year T-bill plus 3%
Substance abuse impairs judgment and is implicated, directly and indirectly, in the deaths and illnesses of many Americans. Choking-off the river of drugs flowing into the US will be a major focus.
Executives within the DOJ and IRS who oversaw harassment law-fare against US citizens will be fired.
Not only does ERJ intend to run his election campaign from his garden, after he is elected he intends to run the country from it. It is where I do my best thinking.
Ya know, you make a good point about locating home orifices... nothing grows in Mordor on the Potomac unless a mexican curates and manages it, why is the dept of ag there? That makes as much sense as a coast guard training facility in Kansas.
ReplyDeleteYou have my vote! Lmao
ReplyDeleteI haven't actively supported any candidates for National Office but. If this changed from Fake News to Real ( Or by miracle ANY candidates anywhere and had a similar platform) I would help campaign and help them raise funds !
ReplyDeleteFinally, someone I can vote for! I have been debating if I would ever vote again. I will get the printing press rolling.
ReplyDeleteOh,
Oh
Oh,
You and Cincinnatus, friend.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Toirdhealbheach Beucail and I support this message.
Contra your military intervention policy, may I suggest kinetic intervention vis-a-vis cartel leaders and crucifixion for smugglers.
ReplyDeleteWay to go Joe. Woody
ReplyDeleteI'm all in for you. Where can I send a campaign donation?
ReplyDeleteYou got mine and the Mrs. vote.
ReplyDeleteI mich more prefer most of the 3 letter agencies be definded right off. The surviving agencies be heavily audited. During the length of the audit, the agency is stood down. Any compiling of regulatory violations automatically becomes a ten yr prison term with loss of pay and pension.
ReplyDeleteUsing your logic, the Department of Justice will remain in DC.
ReplyDeleteMakes WAY too much sense... sigh
ReplyDeleteI can help you run your campaign. My experience speaks for itself.
ReplyDeleteBack in 2015-2016, Jeb! (TM) spent over $100 million on his campaign, in return for which he was polling at around 1%. At the same time, having spent $0 on my thus far unannounced campaign, I was also polling at about the same percentage as Jeb! (TM). Thus my greatest polling numbers for the least money spent is without parallel in modern campaign finance history. I am confident I can get similar results for you.
George True