Thursday, January 16, 2020

Use a language they understand

Belladonna is back home and I enjoy having her around. She brings a special kind of energy.

That does not mean that it is always skittles-and-cream. Earlier today she was grousing about another family member who was not putting new rolls of toilet paper on the dispenser after finishing off the previous tenant. I heard Mrs ERJ explaining that was just one battle of many we had fought but ultimately decided it wasn't worth the cost of winning.

Then, a wee bit later I heard Bella happily humming to herself and shortly after that I smelled chocolate brownies baking in the oven.

Even if that is where the story ended, I would enjoy the swift "being done" with the minor frictions that occur when people live together.

"Who are those for?" I asked, thinking I might get a few brownies.

Bella said "I made these for     fill in name of person who doesn't put new rolls of toilet paper on dispenser   "

You will notice that I was very classy and have not impugned the good name of anybody who lives in my house. I am good like that.

"Can I have a couple?" I asked.

"You have all of them for all I care." Bella said.

That didn't make any sense to me. Why could I all eat all of them if she made them for you-know-who?

On a hunch, I looked at the offending roll of toilet paper. Bella had taken it back off the dispenser and placed it back on the floor. Odd.

Then I looked inside the roll and saw what looked like a big, double-fingerful of brownie batter.

"Did you do that?" I hollered, knowing full well it had to be her.

"Dad. When you tell somebody something a hundred times and they don't listen, it is probably because you are using a language they don't understand." Bella replied. "I am using a different language, one he can understand."

I wish I had a cam stashed in the HVAC vent. I would pay money to watch you-know-who run his fingers into that roll of toilet paper.


  1. Now that is clever and devious and funny! That would go viral on Eaton Rapids Tube.... Oh I am from Grand Rapids, just a shoot out for us Michiganders,

  2. If it's the demographic I think it is, he might just lick his fingers and get on with the matters at hand, considering it a happy treat.

    Now: If Belladonna were to ensure there are no other paper products handy, and then glue the roll to the floor as well as gluing it internally .....that might also make a point worth remembering. And if that doesn't work, well there is always the option of treating a 'special' roll with some pure oil of capsicum.

  3. Are the other females in the loop? I hate to think of the ensuing crapstorm if the wrong person fingered it first...

    1. We have a master bathroom attached to Mrs ERJ and my bedroom.

      We have a "kid" bathroom where the disputed roll of toilet paper lived.

      We have a "guest" bathroom very close to the exterior door we use most often.

      The only other woman in the house is Mrs ERJ.


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