There I was, holding Quicksilver by her left ankle keeping her bottom half from touching anything fabric. She was spinning like a one-winged fly in a spiderweb.
It started out innocently enough. She was due for a new diaper.
I put her on the bed, peeled off the bottom of her sleeper and popped off the diaper.
[PICTURE CENSURED BY BLOGGER]
Mount Vesuvius had filled her shorts with a primordial soup of indeterminate yellowish goo. No worries. Been there. Done that.
Today's new twist is that there was only one wipe left in the package of wet-wipes.
And the new package had a secondary seal composed of 0.020", 301 SS in the full hard condition, adhesed to the mylar package with rubber cement. Oh, and the grab-tab on the secondary seal was a full 0.20" by 0.40" in dimension.
Note to self: Count the number of wet-wipes in the package before starting to change Quicksilver's diaper. If it is less than four, open a new package just-in-case.
I enjoyed reading Terry Pratchett books (Wait. What? I’ll admit to rambling at times, Oh alright ‘all’ the time, but I have a point to make … eventually) and … he has ‘characters’. One set are a collection of ‘Gods and Goddesses’ (not just the big Greek/Roman-like ones but … for all the ‘little’ things you just know ‘deserve’ divine intervention, or possibly blame).
ReplyDelete[https://discworld.fandom.com/wiki/Gods]
Whilst in my youth (when dinosaurs walked the earth) I would have liked Bibulous and Bilious (I know I spent an inordinate amount of time ‘talking to God, on the big white telephone’ and 'Huey and Ralf' of course) and (possibly) Errata, now … Anoia is probably the top of the list:
“The minor goddess of Things That Stick in Drawers, Anoia is praised by rattling a drawer and crying "How can it close on the damned thing but not open with it? Who bought this? Do we ever use it?" She also eats corkscrews and is responsible for Things Down The Backs of Sofas, and is considering moving into stuck zips.” I personally believe (a matter of some considerable and hard-won faith) that she also ensures toilet-roll and wet-wipes run out, or cannot be found … ‘only’ when most (desperately) needed.
Another ‘character’ (in “Good Omens”) is Crowley, a demon “who did not so much "Fall" as "Saunter Vaguely Downwards." He doesn’t do the ‘big evils’, he concentrates on all those constant little annoyances that ‘grind you down’ and tarnish your soul a bit at a time. I swear he, or something like him, has me as a special project by ensuring my toast ‘always’ falls butter-side down, something falling out of a pocket always manages to roll (and often take a ninety-degree physics-defying turn whilst doing so) into the only drain within 100 yards. He takes special care to ensure all my screws either strip threads or are so seized as to require a screw-remover (often two, to remove the screw-remover that got ‘stuck’. Sh … ugar!). And … ensures, even when you have specifically checked, and rechecked, that there are sufficient (e.g. wipes) that … somehow when you open the packet to use them it’s empty (or there’s one, forlorn, item left but … ‘only’ when you’ll need more, if you only need one, there’ll be a dozen. Aargh!).
So? Resign yourself. No matter what you do (or promise to positively, definitely, without fail do next time) you … either wont, or it wont make any difference.
Life is a trial, so learn to gauge the ‘size of the problem’ then make an excuse and pass the problem back to Mom [being a Grandparent means enjoying all the happy (and make note of this, 'clean and non-smelly') bits, sneaking treats and activities they (and of course you, hypocritically, when it came to 'your' children) are absolutely forbidden, and escaping any and all unpleasant child-rearing chores … you’ve already done your bit].
[For fellow aficionados. I like to ‘identify with’ Sir Samual Vimes, but fear I may be more like Rincewind, and (don’t tell anyone but) I always had a ‘bit of a thing for’ Granny Weatherwax.
For everyone else. It’s an affliction and I’m really almost normal … most of the time].
Seems like you are explaining Murphy's Law.
DeleteI always thought that a good name for a rock band would be "5 wipe diaper."
ReplyDeleteSince we would gag at such an encounter and mumble "nasty", my oldest would call it "nasty". As in "Daddy I goes nasty." At least QS did not use it for wall art...
ReplyDeleteWhen the twins came along we were just too tired to react. I stole your expression when describing them. Yes, they are kinetic.
ReplyDeleteI have gotten txt msgs from the kids, that the bathroom on their end of the house is out of paper, and could I please fetch a roll...
ReplyDeleteSon, thats the first thing you check before you unzip and set yourself down
LOL, BTDT, She got a bath...
ReplyDelete"Shit"...is ALWAYS funny.
ReplyDeleteMilton
It is even funnier when it happens to somebody else.
DeleteA significant portion of my job as a Personal Care Worker is wiping adult bottoms. Like preparing to overhaul an engine, first make sure you have the proper tools and sufficient supplies at hand!
ReplyDeleteOT: a scene from Babylon 5. An alien and the human whose chief-of-security is missing, are surveying the boss's room looking for clues. The alien observes a black-velvet painting of Daffy Duck and opines "Ah, I believe that is the human's God of Chaos". The human smiles and replies "Yeah, I bet you're right."