Deer Miss Cortets:
I know you are smart becauz I heerd you graduated in the top 99% of your class. So u and me had a lot in common.
I juss want to point out that thinks are different here on the Menominee River in Michigan den dey are on the Patomac or the Hudzen rivers.
stop trying to turn us into Noo York city cuz we aint.
beer wagon benny went to Noo Hyork once. He todl me that that people der paid $6 for a stale donut. You should come to Michigan. You can buy a dozen, week old donuts at da IGa for sebenty-five cents and dey hab cinnamon on dem.
Yer good buddy,
Jack Pine Joe