Mrs ERJ is incredible on the phone. She is skilled at communicating using voice, inflection, word choice and pauses. She is our designated "phone" person.
She called the new ISP provider.
After playing thirty questions (Are you sure it is plugged in?) we were directed to go to a site to test the connection speed. I think that may have been a captive test site because the tech support was able to look inside the box. The person on the other end of the phone said, "Never mind, I see what the problem is. The defibrilator on the inverse gonkulation crystal is not synching up. And your Feeblebuster diode is not discharging like it should. You need a new black box. Is it OK if the tech guy comes Tuesday?"
It was anticlimactic when the incomplete test timed out two minutes after the help line hung up.