I have been receiving emails from readers who are calling BS on my claims regarding pest control.
Specifically, they accused me of lying. They claim that I must not have lost ALL of my firearms to boating accidents and an unnamed, overzealous salesperson at that yard-sale last summer.
After all, how can I be "convincing" rabbits and woodchucks and red squirrels to not visit my garden and mulberry trees?
I ugly them to death
"Uglying game-animals to death" is a method-of-take widely used in Ohio but much less-so in Michigan.
The concept is simple. The eyes of most animals are exceptionally rich in rods and they can see motion. If a hunter stays very, very still and the wind is from the right direction, many animals will come so close that they almost step on the hunter's foot. If you can make a sudden face that is sufficiently ugly, it stops their heart and kills them instantly. It is actually a very humane way to take game.
Well, my friends in Ohio told me about this method and I had to give it a try.
I put my lawn chair six feet from a woodchuck burrow and waited for him to pop out. As soon as he looked my way I gave him my "Ugly face".
It worked!
The corpse slid back down the hole. I left him in the hole since I would have had to bury him anyway.
The next time I talked to the Buckeyes, I asked them why more people in Michigan didn't use the method. It has tremendous advantages in terms of silence and portability.
They claimed that folks in Michigan couldn't do it.
I disputed the point. In fact, a great many of my neighbors seem to be exceptionally well endowed by nature for this method of hunting.
They agreed that the actual killing wasn't the issue. Rather, it was that us Sparties and Wolverines tore up the meat too bad.
Thinking back on my experience with the woodchuck, I must confess that the hole did resemble a crater after I uglied him to death. And since then, the red squirrels make a distinctive "Pop!" sound when I ugly them in mid-air and they cartwheel after being hit.
Will it work on democrats?
ReplyDeleteIf it did, there would be no democrats around here.
ReplyDeleteTo ERJ - Everything's OK. Bosslady got 'happy feet' to see the southern out-of-state grand kids so I was "Driving Miss Crazy" as well as the visiting Wolverine grand-daughter to and from. And I don't post whilst on the road.
TMI,I know - but you asked..
I knew a guy who used to squirrel hunt like that. He'd see a squirrel, the squirrel would see him, and he'd ugly the squirrel out of the tree.
ReplyDeleteHe had to stop when he got older because he got uglier too, and was tearing up the meat too bad.
Still, it doesn't work too bad for red squirrels and other varmints as long as you can stand the smell of burning hair.
ReplyDelete"...lost ALL of my firearms to boating accidents..."
ReplyDeleteFor years and years I have been trying to tell anyone who will listen that boating and firearms do not mix. The chances of the boat capsizing dramatically increase when there are firearms on board. This is an indisputable fact - it is just Murphy's Law in action. And when you add in the fact that more often than not there is alcohol involved when boating, the chances of losing any and all firearms on board is almost a foregone conclusion.
So why does it keep happening? It is simply this - the allure of boating while carrying guns, and (let's be honest with ourselves) having a few tall boys at the same time, is just far too great for most red-blooded American men to resist. Truly sad, but that is the reality.
You owe me for a keyboard. :)
ReplyDeleteROTFLMAO!
ReplyDeletePosting a pic of yourself would probably be alright as long as you were fully dressed. ---ken
ReplyDeleteHaven't lost any firearms in any boating accidents, but I am a horrible judge of character.
ReplyDeleteA few year ago, I decided to go strictly old-school black power; so I slowly sold all my firearms.
Unfortunately, over time, since I kept a list of names/addresses, I discovered that I sold an EBR to a county chair of the Democratic Party, to a Democrat who got elected to the state assembly, some proud former member of the Democratic Party (former because the name showed up in the obits - his kids must have the gun now), etc.
Yup, I was a terrible judge of character - here's the list Mr. ATF man.
"old-school black POWDER"
ReplyDeleteI seem to remember an old Davy Crockett movie where he was trying to grin the bear to death and got distracted and had to use his knife!
ReplyDelete