Send this email with whatever modifications you find necessary to your most liberal acquaintances. Send it via any, large email carrier.
Dearest Cousin Penelope:
Thank-you for your and Biff’s generous offer to let me sleep in your garden shed if things get too hot for Conservatives here in Michigan. I know this is a HUGE sacrifice for you as leading members of the uber-liberals in Laurel, MD. You really came through for me. Family first!!!
I have a few concerns to clear up before I add you to my list of bug-out locations:
-First, I don’t mind the pallets of .50 BMG, linked ammo. I think it gives your shed a cozy, homelike appeal and the photos you sent indicate that they will provide a nice, flat surface for my inflatable mattress.
-Second, I don’t even mind the crates of grenades if you replaced the detonators and can verify that they were stored in a cool place. Of course, even the Comp B is liable to self-detonate if you purchased them from Vietnam on one of your over-seas trips. If so, the M31s will have to be relocated. Very, very gently relocated.
-My biggest hang-up are the twenty-pound canisters of Sarin. Frankly, that stuff gives me the heebie-jeebies. All it takes is one, tiny pinhole from corrosion or a bit of cold-lapped weld…. I don’t know where you got them and I completely understand your not wanting to store it in the house. Unfortunately, my relocating to Maryland is completely off-the-table until you find a better place to store the Sarin and the other chemical warfare expendables.
Very highest regards,