Sunday, July 9, 2017

Fashion is a form of ugly...

Fashion is a form of ugly so intolerable that we must change it every six months.   -attributed to Oscar Wilde
This is family reunion weekend.

I attended a patio party last night and I learned that houses are subject to the diktats of style.  Oh, the horror.

Consider the fashion spread shown above.  That is not Lenin's sarcophagus in the center of the photo.  It is a table or a counter.  I am not going to belabor the point, but how do you clamp a reloading press or a sausage grinder to that surface?  The other thing is that it is a bitch to sweep spilled smokeless powder out of the joints in the plank floor.  You would also be amazed at the amount of evidence that a forensics tech can dig out of those floors using a simple dental pick.

"Edward!  Edward!  Put down the damned scissors!"
I also learned that houses have "colors" and that they change every year.

One of this year's colors is called "Bilious" after the famous designer Bilious the Kid.
And this color is called "Little Mermaid".  Did you realize that the kids who grew up watching Little Mermaid are now old enough to buy houses and paint?
Tell me one more time: Why is this superior to Avocado?  You remember Avocado colored appliances, right?  (cue, mocking laughter in the background)
Do you remember when refrigerators were white, weighed 300 pounds and lasted for fifty years?  No longer.

"Brushed Obsidian" is back in fashion.  Like the late 80's, it tells discriminating house guests that you know your way around a line of coke.
I like to think of my house as "vintage".    I understand about personalizing the spaces we live in.  I am a master of the art.  I use a fashion technique my wife calls "clutter".  I wish I could patent the technique as I see it is widely used.

The most magnificent thing about using clutter as a styling feature is that it changes daily.  I am always on the bleeding edge of fashion.

The second most magnificent thing about using clutter as a fashion statement is that I can change the pair of footware (swapping out a pair of black sandals for a pair of gray running shoes) I cached beneath a chair without having to totally change three more rooms to make them match. You cannot say that about floor coverings.

And the arguments that having a stylish house will make it sell faster or for more money ring hollow.  I hope to live here for a very, very long time.

Another factor comes into play.  I watch Kubota's friends try to sell him cars and trucks.  They are trying to recover the money they sank into lift kits, mudders (tires), fancy wheels, stereos, subwoofers, fancy upholstery and so on.  While those trucks may look cool, they are not Kubota.  They were personalized but they were not personalized by Kubota and most of those enhancements actually reduce the truck's value as a means to get to work every day.

Fashion:  Spend more, get less.
It is a blessing to be oblivious to the ever-changing swirls and eddies of fashion.

---added five minutes later---
Upon rereading, this post is too snarky by half.

The hosts of the patio party were gracious beyond words.  The male host offered samples of a couple of new single-malt whiskys that fell into his clutches.  Both were 12 years old.  The first one was called Highland Park.  The other, if I remember correctly, was called Hamtramck Heights.

I enjoyed my evening even as I marvel at what people spend money on.


  1. I don't understand this post. If I'm reading it correctly, it is not snarky or oblivious but mean spirited, hurtful, judgmental and disappointing. Please tell me that I am reading this message wrong.

  2. I know I am judgemental. I know I can be mean-spirited. I apologize if it was hurtful. I am sorry that you are disappointed.

    Some of us drink Bud Lite, others drink Chardonnay.
    Some of us drive trucks, others drive Lexus.
    Some of us sport flags, others sport rainbows.
    Some of us have tattoos, others don't.
    Some have body piercings, others don't.
    Some of us listen to Toby Keith and Patsy Cline, others listen to Tupac and Bieber.
    Some of us are aghast at immigration, others want more.
    Some of us live in "utility" housing, others live in beautiful houses.

    I DO marvel at the differences and I poke fun at my own house (the clutter) in the piece. I was a country mouse marveling at how city mice do things. Perhaps there was tiny bit of envy, too, but I know that I don't have the energy to chase after style and fashion.

    The pictures of the male models were included to show the excesses that pursuit of fashion and the need for "different" lead. Incidentally, these are all gleaned from an image search for "Men's fashion 2017".

    I am sorry that the piece hit you wrong. Even Jeff Foxworthy days when his material is a dud.

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