The 3:1 Rule

My mother graduated from college (not University) in 1953. She taught English to 7th grade students until child #3 showed up. Then she became a professional mother.

One of the gems she shared with us was the 3:1 rule.

Share three affirming observations for every negative correction

She claimed that this was from her Educational Methods class which was based on the best psychology of the day.

In the 1970s Prospect Theory presented the idea that losses are felt three times more keenly than gains. Therefore, to seem balanced, every loss would need to be balanced by three gains of near equivalence.

It appears that Mom's Educational Methods class nailed it.

Implementation

I was a soccer coach before I was a supervisor. One of the things we tried to teach the young players was to "carry" the ball close to their feet and make many, "small touches" on the ball.

One way to follow the 3:1 Rule is to focus on generating many "small touches" with your employees. Even if it is something as small as a person bending over to pick up a gum wrapper.

When it is hard

It can be hard to find many positive things to say when a player or an employer is overwhelmed, like those times when the player moves up to a more competitive age-group or league or an employee is moved to a more demanding position.

At those times, it is perfectly OK to point to their previous positions and remind them that the habits that were the basis for their excellence in their previous position will also (in time) create excellence in their new job: Checking their work, staying focused, asking questions...

Share three times you knew they were successful in their previous job due to those habits that you want to continue before pointing out something unique to the new job that they could do differently/better.