God (and women) laugh when men make plans

 

I was doing great!

I got the fish cleaned and cooked.

I got the rolls made.

I even got to do an errand with my sweetheart.

I had about a third of the lawn mowed. I was on-track to have an OUTSTANDING day.

And then my friend John called. "Hey, let's go cut some fence-posts."

Shucky-darn, drat and dag-it-y-nabbit. The worst part was that it was MY idea.

I noticed this yard where the wind had blown down a Black Locust or two. Black Locust makes very good fence posts. They are only slightly more durable than the blocks of stones used to build the pyramids.

One day I saw a woman working in the yard. I stopped and asked if I could clear up the blow-downs. I offered a princely sum per post and the elderly woman accepted my offer. She thought the blow-downs made the place look un-tidy.

I mentioned it to John because I knew he needed 40, 10' tall fence posts to put around his 150', square garden. 10' long fence posts are not easy to come by unless you cut them yourself.

This random gentleman (not me) is sitting on 18, 10' long posts in the 4"-to-6" diameter range.

What looked like a single blow-down was five trees that had toppled domino-fashion. The butt-ends are approximately 14" diameter and there are four, 10' logs in each tree.

To give you a sense of what a green, 10' long Black Locust log weighs:

• 9" diameter: 280lbs
• 10" diameter: 350lbs
• 11" diameter: 420lbs
• 12" diameter: 500lbs
• 14" diameter:  670lbs

I can move a 9" diameter log on the level by rolling it or by lifting one end (only 140 pounds!) and toppling it end-over-end.

I cannot move a 10" diameter log that way. I am just not man enough.

I don't anticipate any problem in getting John's 40 posts, especially if he can split the bigger ones into quarters. The idea of splitting them into quarters is very attractive until you consider the amount of work involved.

For example, four 12" diameter logs will weigh 2000lbs which is a respectable, if not heroic trailer load. The same logs split into quarters are sixteen, 125lb posts.

Anyway, we have time to figure out how we are getting the posts out of the woods.

I paid the woman cash-money as we cut the posts. I felt a need to establish credibility. Money talks. BS walks. I didn't want her to think I was trying to flim-flam her.

I think I am going to be sore tomorrow.