Christmas Gift advice that will impress your better-half

I must admit to being surprised that anybody would look to me for advice especially with regard to what kinds of gifts to buy to impress the fairer sex.

Never-the-less, I will give it my best shot.

Women love rings. You know you bought the best, most reliable permanent rings when you buy her a set of Warne Maxima rings. I prefer the horizontal models but I can accept that tastes vary.

It is a well known fact that the best (and most cost effective) diamonds were cut in the former Czechoslovakia. These gems are becoming increasingly rare since Czechoslovakia dissolved in 1989. You and your sweetie should JUMP on any opportunity buy jewelry with "CZ" on the outside of the box!

Bracelets

Paracord bracelets are always a classy choice. Personalize it by choosing one in her school colors and be-charm it with Larue Dillos, mini pepper-spray and other bling.

Necklaces

Necklaces are not my thing. I deplore having anything around my neck that can be grabbed.

A Spartan Enyo Neck Knife is a classy choice

Hair jewelry

There are countless options for brilliantly colored, high-tensile cordage suitable for bowstrings, snares and field-expedient garrotes.

If your beloved prefers bright-and-shiny hair jewelry, Prime Miniatures offers many options conveniently pre-cut to 39.37" length.

And a little something to make the bedroom more exciting

Night vision binos

Full disclosure

I did buy the ever lovely-and-practical Mrs ERJ something round with a hole in the middle of it. Actually, I bought two of them.

Not every woman will be thrilled by such a gift but Mrs ERJ was.

It is no fun to find yourself stuck in a ditch or unable to get traction to get out of a parking lot.

Some people are aghast that we have "truck" tires on her minivan. They think the road-hum will be too loud. But after being married to me for over thirty years and raising four children, the road-hum is gentle and lulling and not the least bit objectionable by comparison.