You might be a Redneck if you...

You might be a redneck if you name your child "Varget" or "Savage Axis"

You might be a redneck if you name your wife's minivan "Vinnie Van Gogh"

You might be a redneck if you store items in empty beverage bottles

You might be a redneck if you can finish the song "Gloom, despair and agony on me..."

You might be a redneck if you put hot-sauce on flan

You might be a redneck if you ever considered skinning an animal using oxygen and acetylene and a BBQ lighter

You might be a redneck if you ever wondered if the foam on a river was from piss or soap

You might be a redneck if you ever engineered a catapult because "Any fool can piss on the floor but it takes talent to crap on the ceiling"

You might be a redneck if you think smoke from unfiltered cigarettes smells good on a crisp, cold, football night-game

You might be a redneck if you don't differentiate between full-siblings, half-siblings, siblings-by-marriage and siblings-by-common-law

You might be a redneck if you have three brothers named Darryl or Dakota or six brothers who are named after cities in Texas or six sisters named after rivers in Texas

You might be a redneck if you have a recipe for coatimundis

You might be a redneck if you have enough half-eaten Sausage McMuffins behind the seat of your truck to survive until St Paddy's day if you got stuck in a ditch

You might be a high-class redneck if you put them back into the bag before stashing them behind the seat

You might be a redneck if you always carry a fishing rod in your truck

You might be a redneck if you find boxes of ammo in your truck for a chambering you don't shoot

You might be a redneck if your phone has a "Let's Go Brandon!" ringtone

You are a redneck if you assigned that to all of your liberal family members

You might be a redneck if you use a broken lawn tractor for a picnic table

You might be a redneck if you tie different color surveyor's tape around trees in your neighborhood to indicate range from your bedroom window

You might be a redneck if you can identify a 'mater plant by smell

You might be a redneck if you think the soap your wife uses is the sexiest smell on earth

You might be a redneck if you ever wondered if God used a rib from the other side to create dogs

You might be a redneck if you think hot-melt glue and a slam-hammer is an anti-depressant

You might be a redneck if you ever considered putting a shock collar on a kid

You are a redneck if you did install one

You are an alpha-redneck if you activated it

You are no longer welcome in church if that is where you lit-him-up...unless three other kids also started thrashing around in which case you threw your arms up in the air* and hollared "I kin feel the HOOOLLLEEEYYYY SPPIRRITT, OH YES I CAN!!!"

*Pro-tip, drop the fob for the collar before doing this