Friday, September 1, 2017

Fake News Friday

Would Bruce Willis be doing a double-take if she was wearing Birkenstocks?

A recent news article recently made me consider whether there was a biological basis for the belief, in certain circles, that women who wear high heels are "HOT!"

I must confess that I have not personally researched this topic in a scientific, double-blind, A-B-A experiment.  This admission is partially motivated by my journalistic honesty and primarily motivated by my desire to stay married.

Freddy D. Pendergrass* famously said, "Women's sexuality is 85% mental, 5% physical and 110% Divine Intervention."

Being completely irrational, let's focus on the 5% that is physical.

According to the infallible Wikipedia:

In 1952, Dr. Kegel published a report in which he stated that the women doing this exercise were attaining orgasm more easily, more frequently and more intensely: "it has been found that dysfunction of the pubococcygeus exists in many women complaining of lack of vaginal feeling during coitus and that in these cases sexual appreciation can be increased by restoring function of the pubococcygeus".

The word "volcanic" comes to mind.

The article cited above claims that US researchers developed a wobbly shoe that produces all of the benefits of high heels without "crunching" toes.

In the fine print, the wobbly shoe exercises the pelvic floor much like Kegel exercises...and by the transitive property of logic, much like high heel shoes.

Thus, one can infer that women who wear high heel shoes  "attain...orgasm more easily, more frequently and more intensely"

One presumes that, based on classical conditioning theory, easier, more frequent and more intense rewards are more likely to reinforce certain behaviors.

Yeah, physical is only 5%...but if wearing high heel shoes makes a girl feel pretty then it tickles the 85% that is mental.  So it is the conclusion of Fake News Friday is that there is conclusive evidence that women who wear high heel shoes are "HOT!"

*To the best of my knowledge, Freddie D. Pendergrass does not exist and never made this statement in public.  That is why this is FAKE news.  Names that are similar to minor celebrities with memorable names are ideal for faux quotes.

No comments:

Post a Comment