Saturday, February 9, 2019

Guilty of Cultural Appropriation

You can imagine my chagrin when one of my children shared their displeasure at my cultural appropriation of "fist bumps", i.e. "like the cool kids do."

They rejected my defense that fist bumps spread far fewer germs than handshakes. After all, nobody sneezes into the back of their hand.

They claimed that I did not believe in germ theory so I was obviously making that up.

Alas, the perils of feeding children cosmetically challenged fruit and leftovers, "Eat it. It will make you tough."

Ever mindful of Paul's advice in Colossians, that fathers not vex our children, I told my child to hang loose, that I resolved to make everything copasetic.

It might take me a while to get in the groove but I am sure that I can find some polyester leisure suits and platform shoes to wear when we go out together in public. After all, I would be guilty of cultural appropriation if I dressed in contemporary fashions or used contemporary idioms.

And of course it will be completely inappropriate for me to drive a cool car. I should be driving something similar to the first car I drove in high school.

It would be hypocritical for me to even own any car or truck that a 2019 kid thought was cool. Yes, even the one I provide for my beloved children to drive.

You see I am working very hard to NOT vex my child, but I have a hard time keeping it all straight. Can you dig what I am laying down?


  1. At this stage it'd be cultural appropriation if I had hair.

    1. I have a younger brother named "John". He tells me hair is a waste of hormones.

  2. Can you do a Fro? That would really embarrass them. But at least polyester and a pimpin station wagon that spews pollution.

  3. If I did a fro I'd look like a muppet.

    1. Which would be a copyright violation . . .


Readers who are willing to comment make this a better blog. Civil dialog is a valuable thing.