My next-youngest brother retired today. We are meeting up for sammiches in Lansing and I am tasked with getting him a card. This is what I am going to print off and tape inside of it:
A few tips to survive retirement:
Don’t take up any new hobbies immediately. Especially bicycle riding. I know two former coworkers who had accidents that left them paralyzed just a few weeks after retiring. One was crossing railroad tracks and a crack grabbed his front wheel. The other also lost his front wheel for unknown reasons.
Find out where the old guys drink coffee. The cast of characters and the “vibe” will change from table-to-table and from hour-to-hour. You might have to move around a little bit to find your tribe.
It will take you a while to learn to slow down. Those guys mentioned above will help you with that.
Do something every day. Men are like Great White Sharks. We die if we stop moving.
Don’t neglect balance, reaction speed and flexibility. Falls are rough on us oldsters and many falls can be avoided if we practice our balance, reaction speed and flexibility. If you take yoga, I want photos of you in yoga pants (hint: dark colors hide sweat)
Take care of your wife. She is your greatest asset and listen to her if she says it is time to see a doctor. A lotta guys wake up dead because they tell their dearest “I will do it in the morning!”
Get a beeper for your keys. They grow legs after you retire. I don’t know why. Press the remote for the beeper before running laundry.
Don’t look like you are having too much fun or your wife will retire.
Dad was wrong. It isn't about midnight. Nothing good happens after sunset.
Get Two-Year calendars. Time speeds up as we get older. The new “week” is thirty days and it will seem like you are buying a new calendar every month.
Pace yourself. Retirement is relentless. We don’t get weekends off.
Don’t make too many commitments. People will figure that you have all of the time in the world and might assume that you will love to do them “just a tiny little favor”
Shotgun goes fishing every Wednesday at the lake. He often needs moral support and he has already heard all of my stories.
Take care of your feet. Face it, our knees and eyes are shot. Save what you can.
Bonus video
Two minute run-time.
I love how her skirt flutters. Much more alluring than yoga pants.
Please feel free to offer him advice in the comments.
Maybe find a "hobby job" like I did. Mine is...Three days a week, I ride around in a golf cart on a golf course as a Marshall, making sure people obey the few rules and make sure each group keeps pace. A benefit is I get to golf for free, which I do three days a week.
ReplyDeleteThere they s a time and place for everything. Including yoga pants....AND skirts.
ReplyDeleteIf you're on anything with wheels other than the family car, wear the darn helmet. You don't bounce like you used to.
ReplyDeleteListen to your doctor; he has to make his boat payments and dead patients don't pay their bills.
I would add:
ReplyDeleteWatch your weight. For me, a little less activity and a little more snacking in just the first 6 months = "Holy shit! I gained 20 lbs! No wonder my pants feel tight!". And it was a bitch to lose it. Felt like I starved myself for 4 months.
I concur. I caught the Covid twenty and then gained a few more.
DeleteThat was beautiful, really touched my heart
ReplyDeleteWomen used to dance with men...
ReplyDeleteThat would require both people putting down their smart phones.
DeleteWe have dog dancing like this in my area also except the PTB have upped the anti and the performances are now done on ice.
DeleteTakes a while for the dogs to learn to control four skates at once but it looks nice in the end.
Hit the gym. You are right about feet. Strong legs prevent twisted ankles and falls. Stretch you hams. Twisted ankles lead to gimping which leads to plantar faciatis (however you spell it) which I thought was just a TV thing. Ouch. You got to walk with your whole foot.
ReplyDeleteGood advice ERJ. I might explicitly add keeping the mind active as well as the body.
ReplyDeleteI'm within a few years of retirement myself. I can easily see myself sitting around, surfing the net, snacking on junk, all day long. So rule #1 will be to actually leave the house and do something at least 4 days a week. Doesn't have to be exercise, but I need to actually plan out and do something. I got plenty hobbies, so figure fishing once a week, gun range once a week, some woodworking stuff, etc. I got plenty to do, I just need to avoid sitting around doing nothing.
ReplyDeleteFind some shooting competitions and dive in. You'll find lots of friendly old farts that'll take you in and expand your social circles.
DeleteThat was a lovely routine. Great dog, excellently-trained, and a lovely woman dancing beautifully. And agreed, ERJ, about the skirt fluttering. That whole dress was very becoming.
ReplyDeleteNot yet retired, but I have my keys in a belt pouch. They are always there, so no need to search for them. Also avoids them permanently making holes in my pockets leading to a trail of small change and whatever else you keep in your pockets.
ReplyDeleteI've been "retired' for 3 years now and never busier, I set up my retirement "job" plan well before that and pick and choose what I want / don't want to do off the farm. There is never a lack of things to do around the house and that now comes first.
ReplyDeleteUpgrade your facilities and utilities. Will you need grab bars? We had the main bath shower remodeled and got rid of the tub combo, much safer. How about a ramp somewhere? I put wheels under that load, no more packing it up and down the steps. All the little maintenance nit-picky stuff you put off? Get it done and protect your investment.
Proper PPE and work practices, just because some safety weasel isn't looking over your shoulder doesn't mean the laws of physics and Murphy have been suspended. (Don't ask me how I know this.)
When you step outside in the morning stop and marvel at the day, whatever the time or the weather, for it is truly a sight to behold.
I’m going to print this out for my husband. He is reluctantly retired, and terribly at loose ends.
ReplyDelete