My next-youngest brother retired today. We are meeting up for sammiches in Lansing and I am tasked with getting him a card. This is what I am going to print off and tape inside of it:
A few tips to survive retirement:
Don’t take up any new hobbies immediately. Especially bicycle riding. I know two former coworkers who had accidents that left them paralyzed just a few weeks after retiring. One was crossing railroad tracks and a crack grabbed his front wheel. The other also lost his front wheel for unknown reasons.
Find out where the old guys drink coffee. The cast of characters and the “vibe” will change from table-to-table and from hour-to-hour. You might have to move around a little bit to find your tribe.
It will take you a while to learn to slow down. Those guys mentioned above will help you with that.
Do something every day. Men are like Great White Sharks. We die if we stop moving.
Don’t neglect balance, reaction speed and flexibility. Falls are rough on us oldsters and many falls can be avoided if we practice our balance, reaction speed and flexibility. If you take yoga, I want photos of you in yoga pants (hint: dark colors hide sweat)
Take care of your wife. She is your greatest asset and listen to her if she says it is time to see a doctor. A lotta guys wake up dead because they tell their dearest “I will do it in the morning!”
Get a beeper for your keys. They grow legs after you retire. I don’t know why. Press the remote for the beeper before running laundry.
Don’t look like you are having too much fun or your wife will retire.
Dad was wrong. It isn't about midnight. Nothing good happens after sunset.
Get Two-Year calendars. Time speeds up as we get older. The new “week” is thirty days and it will seem like you are buying a new calendar every month.
Pace yourself. Retirement is relentless. We don’t get weekends off.
Don’t make too many commitments. People will figure that you have all of the time in the world and might assume that you will love to do them “just a tiny little favor”
Shotgun goes fishing every Wednesday at the lake. He often needs moral support and he has already heard all of my stories.
Take care of your feet. Face it, our knees and eyes are shot. Save what you can.
Bonus video
Two minute run-time.
I love how her skirt flutters. Much more alluring than yoga pants.
Please feel free to offer him advice in the comments.
Maybe find a "hobby job" like I did. Mine is...Three days a week, I ride around in a golf cart on a golf course as a Marshall, making sure people obey the few rules and make sure each group keeps pace. A benefit is I get to golf for free, which I do three days a week.
ReplyDeleteThere they s a time and place for everything. Including yoga pants....AND skirts.
ReplyDeleteIf you're on anything with wheels other than the family car, wear the darn helmet. You don't bounce like you used to.
ReplyDeleteListen to your doctor; he has to make his boat payments and dead patients don't pay their bills.