Back in the day, one of our concerns was that our young daughters would sip from the cup of carnal desires at an early age and their lives would be derailed.
We had seen it happen to many other young women. They became pregnant before they graduated from high school. They don't marry the father of the baby. Often they don't graduate from high school. They have multiple "baby-daddies", a term that I loath.
That outcome seems to be what the popular culture is "programming" for women. "Everybody is doing it". "Enjoy sex, it won't hurt you". "You don't need no man".
Not wanting our children's lives to be ruled by the glamor of pop-culture, we studied what would armor our daughters against too-young-sex. This is what we found:
A strong spiritual community
No single armor-plate is total protection, but having the family regularly attend a traditional, Bible-based church is a good start.
A father who is "accessible" to his daughters and involved in their lives
Women crave male attention. If they cannot get it from their father then they will do whatever it takes to get it from boys.
An honorable father
A girl's father is the yardstick that she will will use to measure other men by. Treat your wife with dignity and respect at all times. Your daughter will see that.
As a father, don't send mixed signals. Don't flirt.
Embed your daughter in a group of like-minded girls
Sports are a good outlet for their energy and sports show girls that their bodies are designed for something other than wearing slutty clothing.
Scouting and band (music) are also possibilities.
Hunting and fishing and gardening and canning are good. A sneaky-Pete is likely to think twice if he knows your daughter can kill, field-dress and drag him out of the woods and then turn him into sausage.
As a parent...
The pop-culture is very strong and modern culture tells young people that they are not economic-maturity until they are in their mid-20s. Young people are biologically fully developed to have sex by their early teens but told they "can't marry" until they are in their late-20s. That is totally out of synch.
As recently as fifty years ago, puberty was significantly later than it is today. Some people blame the availability of calories. Others blame the hormone-like chemicals in our foods. Regardless, puberty is hitting years earlier than it used to. In ancient times, there was a much shorter period between "can do" and when most people got married.
Two sets of expectations
You can set the expectation that all of your kids will wait until after they are married before they have sex. High expectations are good.
And you are still very likely to not be successful in meeting that expectation.
BUT...you are partially successful if you delay the event by even one partner, if you delay it by even three months. Kids mature quickly and even an additional three-months adds resilience and maturity. And it is my humble opinion that you are likely to delay "the first time" by years if you armor up your daughter(s) and granddaughter(s) as described above.
Any comments from my readers?
Build them up as worthwhile people. So many young folks do things to "be Accepted and Wanted" by others in their peer group.
ReplyDeleteThe FAMILY should be the accepted and wanted group friends, but too often we've outsourced that to others. Schools do not replace parents.
1 Thessalonians 5: 6 So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. 7 For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. 8 But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. 9 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Final Instructions
12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
Ephesians 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”[a]
4 Fathers,[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Nailed it. Good job.
ReplyDeleteApparently mamma and I were following the ERJ protocols waybackwhen. Who knew! We went 3 for 3, and we marvel at God's ace in the process. We know many families, whom by all appearances, did everything correctly and consistently, still had kids make monumentaly poor choices.
ReplyDeleteAnd now with three young men who call me "dad", I am richer still, and ever more amazed at God's provision,
A little East of Paris
Agree on all points you made Joe.
ReplyDeleteI will also add - no TV in the house. ANY screen time and content is extremely limited, focused, and chosen by the parents and done on a small laptop that is password protected.
There is ZERO open / unfettered access to TV or Internet.
My girls (10 and 12) read 50-60 books per year. Some are classics, some are just for fun, some are assigned and challenging / scholarly.
But when the farm work is done, and the house work is done, and the dogs + humans curl up around the fully stoked wood stove - everyone pulls out something to read. Daily.
Good point hidden in "farm work". Many girls have a high need for touch and to nurture. Pets and some kinds of farm animals can scratch that itch.
DeleteFarm animals and pets also give young people a hint of how much work a young baby might be and how much time they now have for socializing will disappear.
Thanks for commenting.
You can lead your horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You can offer all these gifts to your daughter but she has to be able to see and appreciate their value. And she has to accept them. You can lead your kids to knowledge and wisdom but you can’t make them think.
ReplyDeleteTrue words. Her behaviors are her responsibility and the consequences end up being hers...and her children's.
DeleteBut parents can influence what groups their daughters are part of. This is more than a few years ago, but Casey was appalled when he read the texts on his daughter's phone from one of the groups of girls at school. The slut-puppy wannabes were egging each other on as to who would have intercourse first, and with which boy.
DeleteI dunno A. My personal life experience would tend to contradict that, as would many of the so-called "PITT Parents". You can influence them - INFLUENCE - them when they're little... but around puberty they will start to think for themselves.
Deletehttps://www.pittparents.com/
That is a hard read - for me at least. It's mostly moms grieving at the loss of their kids to the fallen world we have today.
But I am seeing this even at the little chapel out in the country. A couple families are watching their kids renounce God and family values (boys as well as the girls).
I *think* these outcomes could be averted but... you would need to totally exclude the child from the outside world. They'd need to be homeschooled. No phones, ipads or computers or social media. Careful vetting of friends... think of it from their point of view: their friends have all those things and greatly enjoy them! Will they be deprived of them and not feel resentful about it? And eventually act on it?
Not trying to tell anyone what to say or think or do... because I have no answers. I have seen very good parents raise great kids but then there is that one that they can't reach or save.
The friends of daughters will have great influence on them. You noted good choices, in church, sports, maybe band. But schoolmates and pop-culture, movies, music, will try to lead them astray.
ReplyDeleteFilthie’s comment was spot-on.
Southern NH
I have a large family and my sister the lawyer used to complain that I am taking advantage of the older kids by having them “raise” their siblings, but I find that having to change a few dirty diapers makes a good deterrent to early activities as they understand the consequences.
ReplyDeleteLast i heard, the Girl Scouts were not on board with your goals here.
ReplyDeletePoint taken. Parents (and grandparents) must be vigilant.
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