"...trapped..."

"I found myself trapped in a loveless marriage..."

Or so the family member said after she filed for divorce.

"I found myself..." is totally passive and past-tense. It sounds as if dark forces were spawned in the remotest arms of the galaxy and conspired to travel at the speed-of-light and simultaneously ensnared her in impenetrable tangles of razor wire.

There was no warning? There were no clues? You didn't see it coming? You didn't participate or contribute to the condition in any way, shape or form? It was totally past all redemption before you became aware of the condition? No parts of it could be saved or were worth saving?

The word "trapped" is code for:

• I am unhappy
• I am in denial
  
• I refuse to change, maybe because that would entail admitting that I have agency and am accountable
  
• I am contemplating extraordinary action that cannot be justified under normal conditions

I hate to be a buzz-kill, but there is a 99.5% chance you will still be unhappy after taking that extraordinary action because you did not address the root of your problem, your unwillingness to face reality.

Let's look at the soon-to-be-divorced mother

Her husband was extremely involved with the boys. He took them to car races. He "wrenched" on cars with them. They went boating. He worked a lot of hours to pay for those activities.

She lived on the internet and on social media. She enjoyed arts-and-crafts. She went to garage sales. She worked her butt off to pay for her activities.

At no point did she say "Hey, I feel like we are drifting apart. Let's go on a date without the boys." or "Let's spend a weekend up-North, just you-and-me without the boys." Stress over money was an issue but at no point did she say "Hey, we gotta slow down because we are getting in over-our-heads." At no point did she say "Hey, I feel like our relationship is getting rocky, let's get counseling."

She met some guy on social-media and he looked like fun. Two weeks after filing for divorce, pictures of the two of them together started popping up on her "feed". That relationship lasted about three weeks.

"I am a man trapped in a woman's body..."

Is the word "trapped" still code for the following?

• I am unhappy   (Check)
  
• I am in denial   (Check)
  
• I refuse to change, maybe because that would entail admitting that I have agency and am accountable   (Check)
  
• I am contemplating extraordinary action that cannot be justified under normal conditions   (Checkmate)
  

"I am unhappy"

Of course you are unhappy. 5% of the US Gross Domestic Product is spent on advertising. The whole point of advertising is to make you unhappy and then point you at THE single product that promises to relieve your pain and make you happy.

Let me repeat, FIVE PERCENT of the economic activity in the Untied States is entirely focused on making you unhappy.

Your unhappiness is not because there is something inherently wrong or broken within you. You are unhappy because you invited the vampire inside your house. The five minutes between TV shows informs you that you have bad breath, are fat, wear the wrong color hat and are going to die without enough money to get buried.

If you want to be happy, kick that vampire's ass back out into the street. Unplug. At the very least be selective about what you let in through your TV, your computer screen and the "friends" who you socialize with.

While it is very hard to change ourselves and our inherent nature it is surprisingly easy to change our environment. If that sentence makes no sense to you, find a counselor.

You got into the situation that made you unhappy by making a series of decisions (albeit some were passive decisions). You can get yourself out. But you must make changes. You must admit it. You must own it. You must make changes. You gotta let go of bits-and-pieces of how you see yourself and how you present yourself to the outside world.

Yes, I know it is scary to let go of the idea that you are so important that the entire universe conspired to oppress you. Let go of that idea and grasp the idea that God loves you, has always loved you and always will love you.