Monday, March 17, 2014

Low Maintenance Girls

I drove the kids into school today.

At one point, a Dodge Neon turned off of a side street in front of us.  Belladonna said, "That is Jess."

I said, "I like Jess.  She is really low maintenance."

Then Kubota asked, "What does low maintenance mean?"

Hmmm!  Sounds like a topic for a blog post.

High maintenance vs. low maintenance

High maintenance means High Input + Low Output ===> Not Good

Low Maintenance means High Output ===> Good!

How to tell the difference

Long fingernails, super nice clothes (taffeta), nicknamed "Princess", no muscle tone, more than one bag of luggage are correlated with "High Maintenance".

Smells like bacon and maple syrup in the morning, smiles frequently with no apparent effort, comfortable clothes, other people brighten up when she walks into the room are signs that she is probably low maintenance.

People with addictions are invariably highest maintenance with the sole exception of wedding cake induced nymphomania (for husband only).

High input is not necessarily "high maintenance".  A girl can be a brain surgeon who works 14 hours a day, 6 days a week and still be low maintenance.  It is pretty likely that she will not be texting you for 14 hours of the day.

Low output is not necessarily "high maintenance".  A girl who is struggling to make ends meet could live in a trailer park and still bring joy to everybody who crosses her path.

High maintenance is when a girl does not have a strong internal compass that informs her of who she is.  She demands constant reassurance from the environment (boyfriend) that she is "special".  She usually demands frequent artifacts of her specialness in terms of expensive trinkets.  High maintenance girls are often created by "daddy".  Perhaps he feels threatened by the fact that he will not always be the #1 guy in her life. 

A low maintenance girl is a girl who is comfortable in her own skin.  I like low maintenance girls.


  1. Me too. I've done it both ways, and low maintenance is a lot easier, a lot more fun, and a lot more dependable.

  2. I agree.

    One of the curve balls that life throws is that there is no guarantee that the kids will be as low maintenance as your wife (or as low as we presume ourselves to be).


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