Thursday, March 20, 2014

I Hate Taxes

It is that time of year.

I am in a foul mood.  I am in avoidance mode. 

I hate taxes.

What is Jason Greenslate's "fair share" of my paycheck?

Jason Greenslate is a rational 29 year old from the state of California.  He determined that he was better off receiving $60,000 worth of benefits in California for zero hours of work ($60,000/0.0 = infinity) than to move to South Dakota, work 2000 hours and receive $80,000 (gross).

The Tax Industry

In previous years I had an accounting firm do my taxes.  I paid an embarrassing amount of money for the service.  My early professional life was messy from a financial standpoint.  I wised up fairly early and simplified my financial life.  But I still kept going back to the CPAs.  To their credit, they advised me that I could have taxes done elsewhere much more cost effectively.  Inertia kept me there.

Taxes are intimidating.  It is one of the dark corners where one is guilty until one can produce documentation proving otherwise.

This is my first year of cranking through my taxes on my own.

I hate taxes.


I love Mrs ERJ.  She is sweet.  She is trusting.  She believes in charity.  Honesty forces me to admit that I have received countless benefit from Mrs ERJ.  She lets me commandeer 60% of the refrigerator every spring for my projects.

I wish that Mrs ERJ's awesomeness was my little secret.  Unfortunately, every charity in the western hemisphere has Mrs ERJ's number on speed dial. 

I wondered why we had so many pieces of "junk mail" coming in with complimentary return address labels.  Now I know.  She gave them money.

It started out innocently enough.  It was Vernon from St Johns, Arizona.  He claimed to be a disabled vet and he had a distinctive voice redolent of age, low humidity, unfiltered cigarettes and high octane whiskey.  He ended every paragraph with "God Bless!"  Mrs ERJ gave him some money and we received some $2 per bag trash bags.

I think Vernon belonged to a fraternity.  The crib notes for the quiz were archived.  Pretty soon "Vernon" was calling from Florida and Nebraska and Puerto Rico and Bangalor.  Little did we know that the disabled vets had an alliance with the Broward County Thespian and Absinthe Sipping Society.

The things one learns about one's spouse, and the world, when doing their own taxes.

I hate taxes.

There is an upside

I have gotten a great deal done around the house while in avoidance mode.

Picture to follow.

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