I don't know what it is about me. I seem to attract people who want to "fix" me.
The first was a woman who was sitting behind us at Eaton Rapids' Independent Day parade.
"What's your name?" she asked.
"What is yours" I parried. No asymmetric trading of information from me...nosirree. No freebies here.
"I am Sharron" she replied.
"I am Joe" I grudgingly revealed.
"What is your last name?" Sharron asked.
I pretended to not hear the question.
Southern Belle gave me a dirty look.
Sharron was relentless.
One example...
I pulled out a pocket-knife to open the popsicle Handsome Hombre had purchased for Quicksilver.
"OMG!!! You brought a machete to town!!!!" Sharron (which almost rhymes with Karen" exclaimed (as if I had asked her opinion).
Her husband gave me an apologetic look.
I felt like a cork in a wine-bottle as she kept wiggling and twisting and digging with the cork-screw to extract details about my life. Give it a rest, lady. I am not a spill-my-guts person like your buddies on Facebook. Deal with it.
***
Much later, after eating the chicken dinner hosted by the Rotary Club, I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for the rest of the family.
A woman of about my age was sitting on a bench with two gentlemen, one her age and one about 20 years younger.
Out of the blue, she asked me "Have you ever seen the mosaic in the Eaton Rapids Post Office?"
Having pretensions of enjoying art, I mentioned that I had.
Then she went into a screed about "...spontaneous expression against the inherent evils of Capitalism...blah, blah, blah...."
"I thought FDR paid them to make that artwork" I commented.
Gasoline on the bonfire. That lit her right up.
***
The rapid 1-2 punch of those two people harshing-my-mellow got me to thinking about ways to rapidly shut down those kinds of interactions.
I could not gracefully remove myself from the situation. I had family who I am responsible for.
Some of the responses, while entertaining, would be more inflammatory than necessary.
For the time being, I am going to go with:
"People who are describe undesirable behavior are unattractive."
Examples:
"People who are nosy are unattractive."
and
"People who discuss politics in public are unattractive."
The implication is that they COULD be attractive if they dropped the annoying habit.
It seems to be a rule that people who want to impress you with their "wokeness" or who drop-names or want information they are not entitled to really, really, really want to be popular and attractive and are (at the core) deeply insecure.
The simple declarative sentences have the advantage of being true. People who are rude or who ignore the simple rules of common decency ARE unattractive.
People who behave the way their Grandmother instructed them to behave might not make history but they are usually very pleasant and I like spending time with them.
And I quoth: Maybe the Dingo ate your baby?
ReplyDeleteI bet it will floor them every time! Try it! Have to use the accent, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghCTZF61ey0
When I run into women like that I tell them I'm a porn star and do some talent scouting for a pole dancer agency. That usually shuts them up.---ken
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was "I work for Quality Control for the Trojan company and I am collecting evidence of field failures" when somebody asked if all of those obnoxious kids were his.
DeletePeople who behave like this have some things in common. O e of those is they are immune to subtlety. You have to brow beat them to get them to grasp things. And that always triggers them. And of course they have hair triggers.
ReplyDeleteIf by myself I try to look really really grumpy.
ReplyDeleteIt works for me.
That is interesting, ERJ. You must be the kindly looking sort. People almost never do that to me. I glean from this that I apparently look crazy or unimportant. Either way, I will continue to cultivate this aspect.
ReplyDeleteOne complication is that my wife and kids are local celebrities. They are recognizable and people glom onto the fact that they Are A Big Deal. They are baffled by the battered, cosmetically impaired, communication-challenged old dude in the presence of the small-town royalty (even if the biddies cannot pin down EXACTLY who the royal parties are).
DeleteWe all have our cross to bear.
Your suffering is silence is a model to us all.
DeleteMy favorite is the phone call that starts with "Who is this?"
ReplyDeleteI can't give you my return question on a family friendly forum.
My response to intrusive questions in public, or private for that matter, is a polite "No thank you."
If pressed further "Bless your heart, No thank you."
"Bless your heart" = "**** You" in hillbilly speak.
I am going to use your line though and see if I can generate even more blank stares.
I start all phone calls with "Who is calling, please?" and then wait. If they ask for someone by name I reply with the same question.
DeleteI'm about ready to answer calls from masked numbers with "National Guard Phone switch Delta, this is not a secure line, you are being recorded. State your business."
Oooooo! Ima steal that!
DeleteIf asked what I do (did) for a living, I tell 'em "I'm a trust fund baby!". That usually ends the conversation.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI have made $200 reliably in one day.That was my ideal day in my life and my boss was to a great degree content with me..CNN is additionally awed from my work and is outstandingly happy..check also unpretentious parts by open the affiliation and tap on HOME TECH OR MEDIA………🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔
Begin here>>>>>>>>> Online work
I keep it simple.
ReplyDelete"Sprichst du Polnisch? Ich nicht"
I just drool. It seem to work everytime.
ReplyDelete