Money is fungible
I have rarely seen efforts to control how people spend money from beyond the grave succeed.
Every person wants to be the one who purchased the petri dish that Alexander Fleming used to discover penicillin or the first scroll upon which Moses wrote the account of Exodus. But that is not how life works.
It is like the idea of "Quality Time". Parents want to think that they can wave a magic wand and have all time spent with their kids be "Quality Time". In the moment, we cannot know which minutes or seconds will be considered "Quality Time" through the lens of retrospective. Perhaps the most mundane minutes will be most memorable...you sitting on the side-line waiting for practice to end and your kid looking over and realizing "...my Dad is bending his day to be with me and to help me stretch and achieve my potential..." Or maybe it is stopping by Quality Dairy for an ice cream cone after picking your kid up from bag-pipes practice.
Folks might donate some of their estate to a noble purpose and be very, very specific in how it can be used. And yet the agents working on the noble purpose need to fix the roof and buy toilet paper and vacuum the carpets and update software and.... Why is the dollar earmarked for a specific petri dish more virtuous than the dollar that the administrator used on a random day to address the myriad of mundane needs they saw as most pressing?
It is similar with inheritances given to children.
Looking back, the greatest gifts my parents gave me were a Love of Christ, frugality, humility and love-of-reading. Everything else is frosting on the cake.
It is a very sad thing when an untimely windfall; a winning lottery ticket, an insurance settlement or a significant financial inheritance, locks-up a young person's maturation process.
Unearned money is much like drug abuse: Abusing drugs results in arrested development of the abuser. If a kid starts abusing drugs in 7th grade, then he will cease growing and with interface with reality with the tools, skills and maturity of a 7th grader as long as he is abusing drugs.
In a similar way, a huge monetary windfall is very likely to result in the person's maturity freezing into a state of suspended-animation until the wealth is completely dissipated.
One can try to armor a will with complex codicils but the wayward child will hire lawyers to find ways to work around those conditions.
The great news is that we do not have to be rich to leave our kids and favorite charities things of great value. The bad news is that we cannot pick-and-choose what they will see as valuable. So give your kids your authentic-self and be kind and gentle.
Pray that they sift through the ashes and save the gold nuggets.
Addendum
I was informed by Southern Belle and Belladonna that I will be allowed to attend their next soccer game even though I was the loudest and most obnoxious fan in the stands.
Their reasoning was that since I was the ONLY fan in the stands, I was also the politest and most gracious and most positive fan in the stands.
Those girls are going to have some sore muscles tomorrow!
I think the real challenge of generational wealth is training the next generation to work to increase it and not just spend it. If you can't get to it until you have earned your own you have no way to understand budgets, wants vs. needs, and the delayed gratification that keep the money invested and growing.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise it is blue collar to blue collar in 3 generations.
The terms blue collar and subsistence living are not synonymous.
DeleteMichael Angelo was blue collar.
Darn you autocorrect
DeleteMichelangelo
A lot of truth spoken there. After the original passes wealth to 2nd, those are the ones who were aware of the sacrifices made by originals to earn it. By 3rd generation, they may know who the individual is, but have no appreciation for how it was earned. 4th generation - a winning lotto ticket is considered the same.
ReplyDeleteMy Uncle and Aunt told their kids not to expect any inheritance from them when they passed. The parents provided their children college educations (one from M.I.T. in Boston, the other Baylor in Texas) and said those costs gave their kids the opportunity to earn their own money. Which has proven to be the case - both families are well off due to their career choices.
Both kids are well adjusted and expect no short cuts - they earned what they have. Giving them self respect.
Amen to the above (comments and article).
ReplyDeleteOne of the aspects of my fathers passing I struggle with (and maybe this will help), is his coin collection .
Was a hobby for him. He tried getting my sister and I into it, never clicked. I like the shiny coins, pretty things in plastic cases are cool. He liked collecting - filling those books with every year and mint source. Bah, boring to me. Not worth any $$$ really, outside other collectors.
In his last days he asked if any of my children would be interested in inheriting his collection. Gawd that was a hard conversation. Still is. He understood, but all the same, I still struggle. It sits in a rubbermaid tub in my closet, I have no idea what to do with it. Its not the dollar value, its what it was worth to him.
Have a plan for that stuff in your life. When the folks moved to retirement home, Dad sold off his 1st coin collection. In his retirement he started it up again. He enjoyed the hobby, fuck all y'all, I'm gonna do it. And he did. But I really wish he'd sold it off. Its the mental pain that costs me so much.
Anonymous - The same for us. We are currently packing up my parents house. We have taken care of the major things that we want and are now working on getting things together for an estate sale. It is hard.
ReplyDeleteERJ - I would probably argue that it is the times that most often do not cost a lot of coin, or that happen while coin is being spent - the random conversation, the activity that happens and is remembered - that are the greatest investment. The problem is that we never quite know when those will occur, so we have to plan as if every interaction is this way. For me, I reached this later in life.
Every father should be the loudest fan. And good on Southern Belle and Belladonna for picking up a sport!
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ReplyDeleteI appreciate what you say about Quantity time vs Quality time. At the ripe old age of 64, I love more the times I spent hour after hour with my dad rebuilding an antique tractor, and the house spent with my mother canning tomatoes, or in a boat flyfishing with more affection and appreciation than the occasional Tigers game or the biennial trip to an amusement park. When speaking with newly divorced parents seeking "fun" things to do with their kids on weekends, I always recommend taking a long hike in the woods together one-on-one, or fishing, or playing catch
ReplyDeleterather than a trip to Michigan Adventure.
Duck Lake State Park just a little bit west of Michigan Adventure is a gem.
DeleteThey have a pavillion that is clean and dry with charcoal grills outside.
There is a high-end convenience store about a half-mile north of the entrance to the park.
It is a great place to take the family and chill.
I make 100USD /hr while I’m traveling the world. Last week I worked on my laptop in Rome, Monti Carlo and finally Paris…t5 This week I’m back in the USA. All I do are easy tasks from this one cool site.
ReplyDeleteCheck it out on this site Click It........ Google USD Work Home