Saturday, December 21, 2013

Tinfoil Hat Alert: Be Invisible

---Obligatory warning: Tinfoil-hat Post---

We had crappy weather so I got to spend some quality time watching movies with Belladonna and Kubota.

Belladonna's choice was RED 2 (Retired, Extremely Dangerous 2).  At one point in the movie the principles are on the run and evading capture by the authorities.  Dressing like Where's Waldo? blowing up buildings and open carry of a Ruger Super Redhawk is not harmonious with this goal.

Kubota selected the movie Jack Reacher.  I am not a fan of Tom Cruise but his character is much "smarter" about invisibility.

No cell phone, no credit cards, no traffic tickets.

Invisible is good

In The Lietenants, one of W.E.B. Griffin's novels, he describes Craig Lowell as a troubled young man in boot camp who learns "...that the next best thing to being a perfect soldier is to be an invisible one."

Four Axis

There are at least four major axis that one must respect to maintain a modicum of invisibility.

Normal People see what they expect to see.  They avoid eye contact with society's "unclean", the poor.  Push a shopping cart or dress in raggedy clothes or smell bad and Normal People will work very hard to not see you.  Mimic a poor student or be a little bit threadbare and you are almost invisible.

Professional Observers will observe you if you are carrying "cargo" carts, backpacks, large briefcases, purses or totes.  Professional Observers will also be quick to pick up any items that dissonate.  That makes trying to pull off "street person" risky.  The way to avoid attention from Professional Observers is to look like one of the eye's down sheeple that inhabit 15%-to-85% in the center of the bell curve.

Joe Dirte and the Mullet family

Electronic Observers are baffled by the absence of sharp lines.  A high degree of definition is required for auto focus functions and for shape recognition software.  High contrast eyebrows, distinctive hair cuts, dark rimmed eyeglasses....Where's Waldo clothing...are loved by Electronic algorithms.  Stay shaggy, consider swirly-stringy-fringes, shiny is good, wear shades that blend and overlap.  Wear a knit cap if you have distinctive hair.   Keep moving so auto focus cannot draw a bead on you. 

Cyber Observers are my one, big FAIL.  As soon as one starts to blog---FAIL.  People posting selfies on Facebook and other social media---FAIL.  Having an overly-active curiosity---FAIL.  Buying sharp pointy things or fertilizer on the internet---FAIL.  OK, I don't post selfies....but I am at risk for the others.

The best advice?

  • Stay away from crowds.
  • Know who you are hanging out with.
  • If you don't know who the patsie is....well, it is you.
  • Nothing good happens after midnight.
  • Watch your six.
  • Cash is your friend.
  • Shopping at Goodwill is smart.
  • Boring is good.  Boring vehicle, boring home, boring family, boring blog;  all good.
  • Avoid popping to the top of the stack for any major detection axis.

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