In the corporate world, if you wanted a promotion you demonstrated your suitability by doing the job.
So you might say, "We already live together. What more can I do?"
Fair question.
Be brutally honest with yourself, if you were married to your live-in boyfriend HOW WOULD YOUR LIFE CHANGE?
- Will you stop taking vacations that do not include him?
- Will you stop wearing clothes that make it look like you are trying to attract (another, more successful) man? There is an upside here, you can gain five pounds and still be able to breath!
- Will you care for him when he is sick and not say "Stop being a Pussy" while throwing a bottle of NyQuil at him as you head out the door to go clubbing.
- Will you demonstrate your domestic skills and frugality? Will you show that you are capable of living on MUCH less money as might happen when you have children?
- Will you demonstrated nurturing and mothering skills or are you still fully invested in "being hot"?
- Will you stop blabbing everything that happens to your "posse"? Will you stop criticizing him?
If you are not already doing those things then you are really not auditioning for "Wife" and your boyfriend will assume that you are using him as a place-holder until somebody better comes along.
If you want to get called up to the Varsity team, learn all of the plays in the Varsity play-book and be able to execute them at game-speed. Don't whine about how well you know the JV play-book. Otherwise you will be stuck at JV level forever.
The tats and piercings do not do that for me. I am 65, and I am of an era that for the most part didn't have a dad that owned a hardware store, nor a printing ink factory... True, I enjoy the company of a strong, feminine woman, one who can hold her own in a conversation, intelligent and respectful. But doesn't want to be a metal/ink monster.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you there - tats and piercings are a HUGE turn off to me!
DeleteJ
Yeah. Well, there are a lot of good women out there still, but the archetype of the American Woman has taken a real beating over the past 50 years, thanks to feminism, body positivity, and another double handful of toxic self-indulgent behaviors. It's not going to be easy living that down as everybody's reference point when they're forming a first impression upon meeting you. Too bad, really. If you've ever worked overseas, you immediately see how much better it could be, and I have. And if you're very lucky, you bring one of the better ones home - and I have.
ReplyDeleteFeminists have spent decades trying to eradicate the existence of wealthy and powerful men. Now they are complaining that there are no wealthy, powerful men willing to marry them.
ReplyDelete"Will you stop blabbing everything that happens to your "posse"? Will you stop criticizing him?"
ReplyDeleteThis is a huge one in this day and age. The transition from "the girls" as the center to "the couple" can be hard. Seems like a lot of messaging pushes people to try and have two (or more) centers as post-college adults.
Hoist on her on petard...
ReplyDeleteA young man with a mission that is not focused on marriage/women - will have ample quantities of women clamoring to partner up with and marry him.
ReplyDeleteSame as it ever was.
If a young man puts a woman on a pedestal, she has to look down upon him to meet his gaze, and she will quickly tire of it and become bored with him.
Young men who want a family and wife need a trade and a mission that is bigger than her that keeps his focus - that is the natural order of the sexes throughout the ages.
Feminism.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!!
It is possible that feminism is a government/democrat scheme to broaden the tax base by putting women to work, to weaken the nuclear family which represents an alternative to government authority, and to take children hostage into government schools for indoctrination (since two-income families and working single mothers can't care for their kids while at work).
ReplyDeleteFrom the guy's perspective - Why buy the cow, when the milk's free ?
ReplyDeleteThe Triumph of Feminism !
I would ask her: if your focus on the relationship? Is HIS focus there also? Are you supporting and encouraging him, building him up?
ReplyDeleteIf you're not, why should he take the relationship to the next level?
Especially if you're already sleeping with him, then you haven't left him anything to look forward to .
Many men don't have a problem with a strong woman IF she balances the strength with compassion, compromise, and truly listens and works with him m
Lots of women think strong has to mean combative - and what guy WANTS to deal with that? (Has to is another story).
Jonathan
The booger catcher (septum ring) = instant red flag
ReplyDelete+1 When I was of dating age that girl would be sitting between the bearded lady and the rat faced boy in the carnival sideshow. Way too much drama for me to have ever handled
Delete"Wife Up" was a new term to me.
ReplyDeleteIn deference to the young woman making the video, I do not have enough information to make an opinion on her. Are physically strong women with opinions a detriment? Not necessarily. But one (male or female) has to want to be in a long term relationship with the understanding that if it going to succeed, it is going to be exclusionary. Radiating that one is always hoping for the "bigger better deal" (from either sex) will never result in a lasting relationship.
Tattoos. Not personally a fan from two aspects: The first is that (especially now) it is a rite of passage in the 20's and 30's. I did a lot of things in my 20's and 30's that did not have near the long term impact and I regret. The other is that there has not been (to my knowledge) long term studies on the impact of colored inks used in tattoos on the human body.
When young guys ask me for advice I tell them to get a vasectomy.---ken
ReplyDeleteNo greater joy than raising children, providing for your family, with the right wife at your side. Not everyone is so fortunate, I know, but it is the ultimate fulfillment of a man's purpose.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true Micro22. Unfortunately a young man's chances of it happening are less than 1/2 and the alternative is devastating. ---ken
DeleteIt is more difficult than it has ever been. It takes discernment and a huge willingness to wait for the best instead of settling along the way.
DeleteI didn't get married until 39. I'm glad I didn't make the jump sooner.
J
This is something exceedingly rare in the modern woman’s world. Having come from a former family powerful progressive women, one thing I noticed about them is they NEVER take responsibility when things go south. They’re always the victims, it’s always somebody else’s fault, “oh, woe is me…”.
ReplyDeleteThis one admits her mistakes. There is hope for this one.