Whitmer POTUS campaign withering

 

Gretchen Whitmer watching in utter horror as her 2028 primary run to be the Democrat candidate dies before it is even announced

 ===> ***Satire*** <===

Long-time donors in Detroit, Kalamazoo, Ann Arbor, Lansing and Grand Rapids  are outraged that Whitmer has been unable to defraud the Federal Goverment as effectively as Walz, Newsom or Pritzker. 

"This isn't  what we paid for" groused long-time Ann Arbor resident Bunsen Burner. "Worst in the Big-Ten! For God's sake, we can't even match Minnesota for graft! Unacceptable."

Fellow Democrat Rashida Tlaib immediately rushed to Whitmer's defense. "You bet we have plenty of graft! In a word, "Dearborn"! We just keep it on the down-low to minimuze Sunni-Shia tensions."

"Weed" Smokum of Kalamazoo opined that "The entire cannabis industry is on the ropes and Whitmer had done nothing to get emergency, Federal funding. We used-ta get $100 for 28 grams but now that everybody is growing it, we are lucky to get $60. What we need are more subsidies!"

Dr. P.P. Wholesale-Parts offered "Whitmer has been a major disappointment. She failed to capitalize on Michigan's leadership in Reproductive Rights. The Pure Michigan campaign to make Michigan a destination state for recreational abortions was very poorly done."

Governor Whitmer did not comment on this article because we left a voice-mail on her hair-stylist's phone five minutes before press time.

===> ***Satire*** <===