The septic guys showed up and pumped the tank. It went quickly. There were no compacted solids on the bottom.
One of the guys was telling me that the owner of the house was standing beside him when he popped off the lid at a different site.
"How's it look?" the owner asked.
Peering in, the sanitary septic specialists said, "Looks pretty good, Mister. I do see a lot of latex-eels, though."
"What is a latex-eel?" the home owner asked.
"Condoms" the specialist said. Then he looked over at the home owner who seemed to be chewing on something.
"I had a vasectomy twenty years ago" the home owner said. "Are you SURE those are condoms?" pointing at the dozens of floating telltales.
"Yep" the specialist said.
"Put the lid back on. I ain't pumping out the tank" the home owner directed them.
I assume that the house was put on the market shortly afterward.
I imagine some lively 'discussions' were had under that roof shortly. Funny but sad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people who check out the tank when it's being pumped. No, I don't want to see my poop, but actually how the septic tank is handling it. That way, I can get a better idea of how often I need to treat the system, how the leach field is operating, and the like. I also want to know the job is DONE. Look away, and the guy might do a rush job, leaving gallons of stuff in the tank, and then charging me the full pump-out price. ...It is what it is... So far, no needled or "Coney Island Whitefish" have been found...
ReplyDeleteThey now sell them in camo pattern at the local gun shop. They call them the "stealth model".
DeleteNobody can see you coming when you wear one of them.
Ouch!!!
ReplyDeleteAfter I was done repairing some equipment at a gas station, the manager and I got to chatting about all the non-gas items they carried. One item that just wasn't moving was called "Knight Rider": a glow-in-the-dark condom. That night I discovered four things: 1) the glowy stuff was on the INSIDE of the condom, and 2) nigh-impossible to wash off Mr. Happy, 3) my wife thought it was hilarious, AND 4) I wouldn't die from a little abstinence. Quite the opposite of a camo condom. Do not recommend.
ReplyDeleteI was in the garbage business for many years. Funny how some folks put the weird stuff on the bottom of the can so that it's out of sight. When the garbage man dumps out the can, all that "evidence" is now on the top. Well, that dates me. Now it's all done with machines, so maybe your secrets are now safe.
ReplyDelete