In a previous post Dan commented that it is difficult to find a woman who is "sane".
Michael replied that there are plenty of sane women out there.
Both statements are true. (Note: All of these comments apply to men as well)
I think most happy men agree that we were blessed/lucky to end up with our spouse. It is a rare man who marries the first women he takes a good, hard look at as spouse material.
Just a few from my past include:
- "DoriLee" who was naming our children after our second date. Names included Dorcus, Drusilla, Ogemaw, Crawford, Delta and other off-beat names.
- "Anne Marie" and "Debbie" who were Boss-girls and called all the shots.
- "Joni" who had a high body-count and informed me on the first date that "I am on the pill".
- "Ivy" who was simply incompatible.
And while some venues (church, hiking-clubs etc.) might enrich the pool of candidates, there are no guarantees.
Modern dating customs reward those who misrepresent themselves. WYSIWYG people need not apply. Profiles on apps are a hash of meaningless buzz-words that tell you nothing about their values. Everything is filtered to be inoffensive, especially the photos.
A simple photo of the person when they first woke up and a 24 hour log of what they did the previous day (in half-hour increments) tells you infinitely more about the person then the apps that claim to match you to your soul-mate.
Sadly, the deceit does not end at the app. The woman/man changes over time. Most of those changes are reversion to character and some are good...and many are bad. After all, we are our-best-self (or at least wearing our best face) when we are trying to attract a mate. Once we have a lock on them, we don't put quite as much effort into trying to "look good".
Like poker, the first cards we draw might be great or they might be less-than-mediocre. The hand we end up with depends, in part, on the cards we throw in.
And we still might end up with a really pathetic hand.
Bonus image
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| The photo does not do justice to how the seed head glows. |
What the eye sees and what the camera gets sometimes differs.
ReplyDeleteApplies to that beautiful bit of purple Amarith? as well as people.
Beauty goes beyond a nice boob job and makeup, yet that's what 90% plus is the lure of the fisherman.
A truly beautiful woman is still beautiful after a horrible car wreck or growing old and feeble. It's who she IS, not what she looks like. It's her kindness and steadfast strength (often called sanity) in the rough and tumble of modern life.
Proverbs 31 speaks to it as well as the Song of Solomon and many other scriptures.
Proverbs 31:10-12
A wife of noble character, who can find? She is far more precious than rubies. / The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he lacks nothing of value. / She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
Ecclesiastes 9:9
Enjoy life with your beloved wife all the days of the fleeting life that God has given you under the sun—all your fleeting days. For this is your portion in life and in your labor under the sun.
Colossians 3:18-19
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. / Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Joe respectfully, it's NOT a card game. Its decisions made with prayer instead of testicles.
You can culture love and beauty OR you can destroy it with immoral-non-Christlike behaviors.
BUT it's SO MUCH EASIER to Blame others for your poor decisions and inability to BE THE GOOD Christlike Man that creates the inner beauty of your spouse.
You know, "Luck of the draw".
"It's her kindness and ..."
DeleteAwfully under-rated, kindness. Perhaps someone should invent a kindometer.
Invent a kindometer?
DeleteYou mean observing how she treats children, dogs and elderly people?
Observing how she treats her father and mother perhaps?
BTW the "she" here is applicable to the "HEs" also. Who you are affects how decent people around you act.
Also how she treats people who serve her - shop assistants, waiters, and so on.
DeleteI tell young guys to get to know her mother real well early on because in 20 years that is what you will be married to. I wish I had known that before I married my first wife. ---ken
ReplyDeleteVery true, better to know the parents well as that's how she was raised to be.
DeleteMight be a proverb or scripture about that, eh?
Not a poker hand random
I am 90% in agreement.
DeleteBut there are evil people who are skilled at lying and drama to get what they want.
Post-divorce trauma changes the gravitational field. The two largest divorce courts in Michigan ( Wayne and Oakland counties) are 72% and 100% women. 60% of divorce attorneys are women and that number is climbing.
The system incentivizes rancorous divorces as a way to maximize billable hours. Character assignation is SOP.
I think there is an entirely different universe that we have been miraculously shielded from.
Or as you mentioned a few not successful ladies seeking your ring in the story starting this thread, YOU MADE GOOD Decisions before little head was running the show.
DeleteI don't go fly fishing for rainbow trout in the Mississippi Delta.
"get to know her mother real well": my father gave me that advice. I ignored it because my mother was a lovely woman but her mother was pretty awful.
DeleteAs it turned out, my wife is an angel whereas her mother was an unpleasant joy-hater.
Early on establish a mutual veto power over each others 'friends'. "Bad companionship's corrupt good morals." 1 Cor 15.33. 'Friends' will wreck your marriage just for fun or out of envy. -TeX
DeleteWhen I was sixteen, if she had said she was on the pill! I would have asked if it was for weight control? Woody
ReplyDeleteAbout 20 years ago my usual bunch of business buddies were having breakfast and one guy told us he had been served with divorce papers he didn't see coming. Total suprise. I went to the courthouse and looked at the last 100 filings. 98 done by women and 8 by men. Kinda tells you something. --ken
ReplyDeleteOOOPS. That was supposed to be 92 filed by women and 8 by men.---ken
DeleteSo many things, so many factors. It seems to me too many people are selfish, less concerned with their spouse’s needs. Sometimes self preservation is warranted, but many times not.
ReplyDeleteMarriage requires patience, humility, genuine concern for the other person, similar expectations, optimism in hard times but being able to accept reality.
And people do change over the years. Sometimes for the better, but not always. It’s a hard road.
Southern NH
Yeah, sometimes that 'hard road' does change the person's outlook immensely. When a parent - child are TOO close, major changes happen when one becomes deceased.
DeleteIMO change comes around, always, regardless if it's a few or many years together. It seems to me the 'changes' put a stressor on that "for poorer, in sickness, for worse" part of the covenant we make before G-d, which then turns into "we still love each other, but can we work through those times of not LIKING each other" in those changes, without resorting to the big D. Won't even go into the "I'm not happy anymore" card being played...
ReplyDeleteWhat should we read into the display of Wild Bill’s Dead man’s hand?
ReplyDeleteAnon@712:
DeleteThat was also my first thought.
You guys are pretty sharp. I was wondering if I was going to slip that by you.
DeleteI was thinking that sometimes that poker hand that looks unbeatable is absolutely the wrong thing for YOU.
https://youtu.be/FaQHyHwFgeg?list=RDFaQHyHwFgeg
"You guys are pretty sharp. I was wondering if I was going to slip that by you." I don't play, but I was a caretaker for a disabled guy who made a living playing poker. He loved to tell me about the game.
Delete"I was thinking that sometimes that poker hand that looks unbeatable is absolutely the wrong thing for YOU." Which explains why I'm divorced. Sigh.
You're NOT wrong...
ReplyDeleteIf truth serum were given to both persons for the first five dates, the human race would go extinct.
ReplyDeleteMy ex's name is Annmarie. Yup she was a girlboss. I had the "pleasure" of my former mother-in-law telling me to my face that I was not good enough to married to her daughter. Well bless her ice-cold heart and the broom she rode in on.
ReplyDeleteI have yet to meet a woman named Jessica that did not have issues. Avoid at all cost strippers named Tiffany. It NEVER ends well I also noticed the dead man's hand. I was wondering if that was a way of saying that to win in the game of dating modern women, in current age is to NOT play the game at all.
Gentlemen, is a near 100% certainty that any woman you meet online WILL at some point ask you for money. This has been my experience. You have been duly warned
Money. My husband and I have always kept separate accounts, paid for our own hobbies, and split all household bills. I think it the fairest way, and maybe prevents a whole lot of disputes.
DeleteSNH
As hackneyed as it sounds, I met my wife of 43 years in Church. It may have helped that we were both single and over 30, and both in the Air Force, so a certain level of maturity was present. We have had good times, and rough times, and supported each other through all of them. Now we are comfortably retired, not rich, but adequate, with enough income to support volunteer work, some modest remodeling, and five rescue cats.
ReplyDelete