Rebuke and discipline

 

He (Jesus) said to his disciples, “Things that cause sin will inevitably occur, but woe to the person through whom they occur. It would be better for him if a millstone were put around his neck and he be thrown into the sea than for him to cause one of these little ones (children) to sin. 

 

Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.  And if he wrongs you seven times in one day and returns to you seven times saying, ‘I am sorry,’ you should forgive him.”   -Luke 17:1-4

 

A random story

I used to work with a woman named Carol Grove and one of her jobs was to screen applicants who wanted to work in the factory.

 

One part of her screening process involved the assembly of a "clock". The directions were printed out and handed to the applicant. Carol read the directions to the applicant and the table-top was an enlarged, laminated copy of the instructions. Then Carol demonstrated how to assemble the clock while giving a running commentary.

 

The "clock" consisted of a case that snapped together and three "gear sets". Each gear-set consisted of two gears, one large and one small and the hole through the gears was sized so it could only slide down the proper shaft. Each gear was color coded: One might have the large gear green and the small gear white. The next gear-set might have the large gear white (to mesh with the previous small gear) and its small gear might be yellow.

 

Due to the sizing of the gears, there was no way to mis-assemble the gears and still be able to snap the cover on the clock when they were done.

 

The final instruction was to turn the clock over and spin the arm on the back and watch the top gear (which had clock-arms painted on it) spin.

 

90% of the applicants failed to perform the last step because Carol had told them it was impossible to mis-assemble the clock. They could see with their own eyes that it was impossible to mis-assemble the clock.

 

The applicant failed if they did not perform the last step.

 

The reasoning was that we might assume a reason for doing something but it is often a partial reason. For example, cycling the gears might distribute lubrication or it might identify extreme variation that can add-up to lock the mechanism. The company wanted employees who performed the job as they had been instructed and to not make judgments like "I can leave out that step because I don't think it is needed." 

 

Back to the snip from the Bible

It is inevitable that people who are living and working in close proximity will do things that cause friction. They will infringe on you.

 

When that happens, we have an obligation to "rebuke them". That is, tell them what they did. Tell them what they should have done. Tell them what the difference was.

 

Their role, if they want a harmonious "family" is to either agree with you or explain how your perceptions are inaccurate or incomplete.

 

Likely, they were unaware of how their actions were inflicting pain. They "repent" and ask for forgiveness and vow to do better.

 

At that point, we "forgive" them.

 

Nearly everybody get hung up on the "seven times" or "seven times seventy" and we space the language about the place of discipline and that forgiveness comes with conditions.

 

Love is discipline

A larger issue is that Biblical love is not what many people think it is.

 

In today's culture, "Love" is the feeling of basking in self-admiration as we tell ourselves, "I am an awesome specimen of altruism as I protect others from all discomfort".  Yes, that is one kind of love: Self-love.

 

Both the Old and the New Testament repeatedly point out that the father who loves his son DISCIPLINES him (link). The father who loves his son programs him to be successful. He programs his son by feeding him challenges that stretch him. The son will fail some of the challenges but learning how to overcome failure is one of the skills the son needs to master to be successful in the larger sense.

 

When John wrote "God is Love", he didn't mean the Hallmark Card kind of love. He meant the kind of love that includes discipline. 

 

Enabling a son or daughter is programming him/her to crash-and-burn when you (the parent) are no longer there. It is a cruel thing to do to somebody. 

If you look at the four verses listed above, they seem kind of disjoint and hodge-podge. If you look at them through the lens of "discipline" and "instruction" and "rebuke", then the verse about leading children astray becomes crystal-clear.

 

Our children are not just our children. Nor are our coworkers and fellow church-goers just NPC in our own personal story. They are brothers-in-arms against Satan, the stumbling-block.

 

A shout-out to the Veterans

To every veteran and to every NCO out there, thanks for what you did.

 

Whether you know it or not, you provided the discipline that helped many unfortunately mis-parented people grow up.