Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Seven Skinny Cows: The plan blows up
“There is just one thing I am curious about.” Rick said into the mic after Chernovsky had given his daily report. “How did the 14 enemy KIA get to the corner of Bridge street? Didn’t you say they were killed a quarter mile south of there?”
“We dragged them.” Chernovsky said. “We tied rope loops and Columbus drilled them. I had two guys pulling each KIA.”
Contrary to what you might think given Chernovsky’s background in football, the Columbus drill has nothing to do with football conditioning. Rather, it is a way of securing an unconscious body with rope to pull it through a hole cut in the ceiling above the victim. It is still the best and fastest way to move bodies if you have enough people to pull.
Rick furrowed his brows in consternation. Something was not adding up.
“Fourteen enemy KIA. No casualties on our side. All KIA shot in the head. How does that happen?” Rick asked.
That is when Chernovsky spilled the beans about the honey-pot houses.
“So a team went into the houses and executed them as they slept?” Rick asked, aghast...but not for the reasons Chernovsky assumed.
"Actually, I was the one who went into the houses and shot them." Chernovsky admitted.
Chernovsky was defensive. He expected praise, not Rick recoiling in horror.
“Look, you said yourself that we might have a thousand hostiles to deal with. I cannot put my men at risk. Even if I only lose one for every thirty we kill we still lose.” Chernovsky said. “You said we were going to see hostiles on an industrial scale. This is an industrial way to kill them.”
“Hang on.” Rick said. “I need to get a few more people to help me think this trhough. I will call you back in about twenty minutes.
Rick called back in a half hour. It took longer to find Nyssa than he had anticipated.
“OK, roll through what you told me before. I have Nyssa here.” Rick said.
Chernovsky was mystified why Nyssa was there but he gave a quick synopsis of how they were using the honey-pot houses to efficiently kill hostiles.
“So who went into the houses?” Nyssa asked.
“I did.” Chernovsky said. “I don’t ask my guys to do anything I won’t do and going into a dark house to shoot sleeping zombies freaks most of them out. It don’t bother me.”
“What are you wearing for personal protective gear?” Nyssa asked.
“You know. The usual. Disposable gloves, tactical shooting glasses and an N-95 facemask.” Chernovsky said.
“You are probably a dead-man-walking.” Nyssa said.
“What?” Chernovsky said. “I was wearing PPE.”
Nyssa said “I am going to explain this very simply. One Ebola virus can give you Ebola. If one of them gets into your body...through the corner of your eye, breathed in through your nose or after you lick your lips...and that virus finds a T-cell or B-cell...you are dead.”
“And if you interact with anybody you will probably spread it to them too, maybe even before you have any symptoms.” Nyssa said.
“But I was wearing a mask.” Chernovsky said.
“N-95 means it stops 95% of microbes. Only one needs to get through to kill you.” Nyssa drilled in. "And the number of microbes that get through is even higher if the mask did not fit perfectly."
“Did you burn your clothes after using them?” Nyssa asked. “If not, then rubbing your nose with your sleeve can push Ebola virus into your nasal membranes.”
“Going into a house with Ebola patients and shooting them is the single dumbest thing I have ever heard.” Nyssa said.
“But I didn’t touch any blood.” Chernovsky said.
“You didn’t have to. Did you ever throw a rock into a puddle?” Nyssa asked.
Of course Chernovsky had.
“Wounds back-splash. Tiny particles of blood and tissue back-splash out of the wound and fill the air with mist.” Nyssa said.
Chernovsky was a little bit freaked out.
“What are the chances they didn’t have Ebola?” Chernovsky asked.
“Not very good.” Rick said. “The infection rate is somewhere around 10%, give or take in Lansing. It is almost impossible to get a solid number.”
“I think these zombies were from Dimondale.” Chernovsky admitted. “They were wearing Holt and Potterville jerseys. Would that be any better?”
Rick did not activate the mic and turned to Nyssa. “That would make sense. Most of Lansing’s roads are still flooded. There is a possibility that none of the fourteen were infected. What do you think we should do?”
“Quarantine.” Nyssa said. “And compartmentalize. Chernovsky has to move out of camp and Squad One and Squad Three need to have zero interaction with Squad Two.”
“OK, Chernovsky. This is what has to happen. You have to burn or boil everything you used when you went into the honey-pot houses. If you boil them you have to boil them for half an hour.”
Far less time would have probably been plenty but Rick wanted it to be a little bit painful. That, and a few bubbles coming from the bottom of the pot was not a boil. Demanding a full thirty minutes virtually guaranteed that all of the material would be exposed to +200 degree water.
“You need to boil or burn your sleeping bag and everything you touched. You need to disinfect the mic you are holding in your hand. Then you need to move your tent at least a hundred yards from the rest of Squad 2.” Rick said.
“You also need to isolate Squads One and Three so they are not exposed.” Rick said. “Do you have any questions?”
Chernovsky could have lied by keeping his mouth shut, but he was not that kind of guy. If he was going to take an ass-whipping he wanted it up-front and without compound interest.
“Buddy Spackle helped me.” Chernovsky said. “I gotta move him, too.”
That was new information to Rick.
“What did you have Buddy do? I thought you said that you were the only one to go into the house.” Rick said.
“I was the only one to go into the house when I was shooting them. But Buddy replaced the bottles of booze and weed. And I had Buddy hit the hostiles in the back of the head with a modified pick-ax.” Chernovsky said.
“What?” Rick said.
“I had a pick-ax modified so it looked like a bite mark from a 400 pound were-wolf.” Chernovsky said. “I directed Buddy to make it look like the hostiles had died after a were-wolf bit them in the back of their skulls. The hostile KIAs were stacked face down so anybody coming south on Canal had to see them.”
"I figured it was worth the effort even if only one-in-twenty hostiles turned around and decided to pillage elsewhere." Chernovsky said.